Last week I received my insurance statement from my ER visit and surgery. I don’t know if I hadn’t really dealt with this fully but seeing that piece of paper with all of those charges and credits and balances triggered something in me. I was angry. Although I am very thankful to have insurance, it seemed unfair to have to shell out $1500 for nothing. I suppose the reality of my loss hit me harder when there was a dollar sign attached to it. What does that say about me? As I processed my emotions I realized that part of what I was feeling was foolishness for thinking that I could get pregnant without the measures we had to take for Hope. And if I’m completely honest, I felt foolish that I ever thought I could be healed of infertility like my other girlfriends who walked the road with me. Both of my infertility companions have conceived and delivered very healthy babies by surprise. I figured that would not be my story but I had hoped that maybe, just maybe this time at least we wouldn’t need to go to the fertility clinic. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled for my girlfriends who have this testimony to tell. Those surprise, miracle babies are precious and I love them dearly. I secretly hoped I would join them with my own story. Obviously, I will not.
I am very aware that the Lord writes a different story for the journey of each one of us. If I’ve done anything foolish it’s compare myself to others along the way. I will pay the hospital bills when they come in and I’ll move on, trusting that He will provide the way for our next baby.
A few days after coming to terms with what I was feeling I had lunch with my dear friend who works for Compassion International. She shared with me about their child survival program. This program offers expectant mothers in developing countries support through prenatal, postnatal and infant care. The sponsorship covers these mothers and babies until the child is 4 years old or eligible for Compassion’s child sponsorship program. I had no idea this existed. I immediately became excited to support this effort. Here I am complaining that I had to pay $1500 to have my life saved and these mothers are desperate for the minimal care it would take to save their life and the life of their baby. I plan to talk more about this effort on the blog and maybe even in the book. Now more than ever I am very passionate about expectant mothers and babies being given the best care possible. I encourage you to read more about this program at www.rescuebabiesnow.org
I received quite a kick in the butt from the Lord after this encounter. I am so thankful that He showed me this opportunity because it caused me to quickly put things in perspective. He is forever trying to push us to look beyond ourselves to the many needs around us.
Will you stop and ask Him what He wants to show you through all you are experiencing right now? You might be surprised at what He reveals. Are you ready to look beyond yourself?