I have been faced with several medical mysteries lately, that I haven’t been able to solve. Unlike shows like House, not all medical symptoms fit together in perfect pieces to give you a tidy diagnosis, that gets solved with a simple prescription. Most often, what I am able to do is make sure that nothing serious is going on, and give the body time to heal itself. Other times, specialist appointments or second opinions will be obtained. It’s often frustrating to the patient to not have the benefit of a specific diagnosis. It’s frustrating to me as the physician, as well… because OBVIOUSLY the doctor is supposed to know everything and fix everything? Right? Duh.
I think that spiritually the same thing happens. I am working on a series of posts to tell the story of my adoption journey. Much like Jessica’s current journey, it was not smooth. Even, knowing the magnificent ending to the story, as I sift through the details, I find myself again questioning the “why’s.” I try to fill in the diagnosis and find the reasons for the different things I had to go through.
Some of the diagnoses are not so obvious, much like in medicine. Bladder pain? Peeing all the time? Must be a UTI. Wait, but what happens when the urine culture comes back negative and the symptoms get worse? Sufferer through a loss? Must need to learn God’s faithfulness and sovereignty! Wait it happened AGAIN and AGAIN? But I learned that lesson already God? I don’t understand?
I asked Jessica over dinner the other night, “has your fertility specialist tried Yada, Yada, Yada….” Yes, she says. Hmmm, I scrunch my ever wrinkling forehead, as I try to think desperately of ways that I could “fix” her. I know this is something I don’t understand spiritually or medically. I know there will most likely not be a TV ending, where the intern discovers some rare insect bite* on Jessica’s toe that caused the problem all along! “A simple salve is all we need GOSH DARN IT,” I say and then we all laugh, hug and see a healthy baby in the next scene.
No, not likely.
But I will continue to stand with Jessica in faith that she will conceive. I believe soon. I will do my best not try to “fix” her, but to be there for her as a friend and support.
I don’t know that there always is a reason or a ‘diagnosis’ and that’s one of the hardest things to accept sometimes.
*There is no insect bite that causes infertility (you wouldn’t think I’d have to say that, but people believe everything they read on the internet)