Not too long ago I was sharing some incredible biblical truth with my 7th grade girls’ Bible class when God sent a very sweet reminder via one of my students. I was winding down the class discussion and preparing to transition into some independent work time when one of the girls rather abruptly raised her hand and said, “But, wait, Mrs. Cannon. What about what it says right here in John?”
I was shocked.
It wasn’t the question that stopped me in my tracks, nor was I offended in the least that she was questioning what I had shared {I actually love it when they stop me this way}.
It was who stopped me that caused my shock.
You see, this particular cutie-pie who stopped class with her biblical acumen had not appeared to be listening to me AT ALL throughout my lesson. She had been giggling with her table mate, drawing in her notebook, and having what appeared to be the greatest time in La La Land.
But she heard me.
I thought she was bored and tuning me out, when she was simply multi-tasking tween style.
I thought she was disregarding the importance of her faith. But she was actually engaging at a deeper level than her classmates.
And here’s what God reminded me of in that moment. He reminded me that He’s at work in the hearts of my students even when it doesn’t necessarily look like it. And He reminded me of my real role with these girls. My responsibility is to plant seeds and do some watering… and leave the rest to Him. He’s the one who makes the plant grow {I Corinthians 3:6}. Truth is, I’ve never actually seen a plant grow right in front of my eyes, and you probably haven’t either. But that doesn’t mean it’s not growing. And so it is with our teens.
Even though they may seem disinterested or preoccupied with pressing teen matters, they are listening. And more importantly, they are watching.
And even though we may not see the fruit of our labor in this season, God is at work, and we simply cannot stop seeding and watering. Take a look at this:
For He established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children; that the generation to come might know them, the children who would be born, that they may arise and declare them to their children, that they may set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments. Psalm 78:5-7
This beautiful Psalm tells us that when we are faithful to declare God’s ways to our children, it leads them to find their hope in God—and I’m sure you’ve discovered, just as I have, that there is no other source of hope.
Truth is, despite the awkward moments and glazed over looks we sometimes must endure, faith talks with tweens and teens can be very rewarding. Sometimes God allows us to see a glimpse of that growth—a light-bulb moment in the life of one of our kids or an outward example of Christ’s love at work in their lives—and those moments are treasures.
I’ve had moments like those often with my daughter who is now in her 20’s, and I have incredibly rewarding talks with my sons who are both in their teens. And over the years, as both a mother and a middle school teacher, I’ve picked up what I think are some pretty great seeding and watering tips—tips I believe bring forth the best kind of fruit.
Tips for Successful Teen/Tween Faith Talks
Know the reasons. Before I try to train up my children in the way they should go, I need to know exactly why I’m doing it. Is it because I want my children to win a scripture quoting contest or the next Bible trivia game? Or do I want them to develop a personal desire to know God—a desire that grows within them because they see something worth wanting when they look at my life? Do I want to put a check mark on my religious to-do list {Pray…check. Read Bible…check. Have talk about God with kids…check}? Or do I want to create a broad, safe place for my teens to discuss the Creator of Heaven and Earth and learn to enjoy Him?
Be ready. Before I can give anything to anyone, I must have my own tank full. I try to start each morning getting lots of hugs from my Heavenly Father and taking time to set my heart straight for the day. I want to be so full of His love for me that it splashes out onto everyone who gets near, and usually the first ones near me are my kids. And I am constantly reading something about God—seeking to learn more about Him and His Word so that I will be ready to give an answer when the questions come.
Be real. Teenagers are masters at detecting fakes. They need us to be real and honest. Some of the most powerful faith moments I’ve had with my kids are the times I’ve failed miserably…and then admitted it. Nothing will shut a teen’s heart down faster than seeing an adult fail and then act as if it didn’t happen. But when we are real and say something like, “Hey, this is exactly why mom needs Jesus. I totally blew it right then. You didn’t deserve to be yelled at, and I reacted like a toddler. Will you please forgive me?” It builds trust and tears down walls.
Be relevant. Even though I know most of the things my teens are grappling with will change {probably as soon as next week}, I know I won’t be granted access to their hearts if I don’t honor what’s important to them in the moment. I know I don’t really like anyone telling me, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” and neither do our teens. Knowing what’s going on in their lives and hearts is essential to having faith talks that will matter to them.
I’ll be honest, sometimes I’ve over-watered because I was enjoying my own wisdom just a bit too much. And sometimes I haven’t watered enough.
But the beautiful truth is…God is the master gardener. Of my own heart and those of my teens. He’s working all things together for the good in the lives of those who love Him, and though I am not a perfect parent…He is!
How about you?
• What are your honest reasons for the faith talks you have with your teens/tweens?
• Do you feel ready? Do you take enough time to let God shower you with love before you attempt to give it away to others? If not, how can you change that?
• Are you being real? Is there anything you might need to make right with your teen? Perhaps something you could get real about by asking for forgiveness?
• Does your teen believe the real issues in his/her life are important to you? If you’re not sure, a good starting point is simply to ask.
Leave a Reply