A week into the New Year, we welcomed our third child. Since then it’s been a blur of snuggles and first smiles, big sister adjustment, seemingly constant feedings, four full weeks and seven straight weekends of hosting visiting family from out of state, laundry and, of course, very little sleep. I knew the logistics of caring for our home and so many other people might be overwhelming. I knew I needed to cut myself some slack in this season of adjusting, but I also knew that a season of total chaos in my home, in addition to the new baby chaos, would make me a mess.
Thankfully, I was able to do some preparation and have since discovered some strategies to keeping everyone fed {well}, managing a home and keeping it {mostly} presentable while in survival mode. All of these come from my recent experience, and therefore may not fit your circumstances. But it’s my hope that whether you find yourself with a new baby, a sick family member, or even just a particularly busy season, a few of these ideas may help you too.
8 Tips to Managing Your Home in Survival Mode
1. Plan Ahead. Granted, depending on your circumstance, this may not be possible. For me, this meant staying on top of laundry, making a flexible plan for what homeschool lessons would look like for the first few weeks {that is, mostly nonexistent}, and most importantly, planning ahead for meals. About a month before the baby came, I started cooking with freezing in mind. I never did a big cooking day; I just froze as I went. When organic chicken breasts went on sale, I made a couple ready-for-crockpot meals and froze them immediately with the instructions written on the bag. I made more mashed potatoes than I needed for a meal and froze single servings in ½ cup portions for later. I cooked double batches of dinner recipes I knew froze well {enchiladas, a wide variety of soups, baked pasta dishes, stir fries and brown rice}. I froze whole grain pancakes and steel cut oats for easy breakfasts. Then right before the baby came, we stocked the pantry with essentials and even things we wouldn’t normally buy for quick breakfasts, snacks and sides {cereal, protein bars and frozen veggies to add to meals}. This step felt crazy to me when I was doing it, as sometimes it meant staying up late to make muffins no one was going to eat for a month. But it was the single most important thing I did to prepare for postpartum. It kept us from having to do any major grocery shopping, meal planning or cooking for the first few weeks, yet we still had nourishing meals and didn’t have to rely on takeout or junk.
2. Make Room. Even if you weren’t able to plan for this time, you can still try to make as much room in your everyday life as possible. Consider your commitments—school, church, community, family, work—and decide whether you can step away from some of them for a time. When opportunities come up, as they always do, to add even good things to your family’s schedule, prayerfully consider whether now is the right time. Scaling back and saying no might feel strange, but it may be worth it if it enables you to keep your home calm and your family well.
3. Establish a baseline, and get back to it morning and night. Our baseline is not spotless. However, it is relatively clutter free. For us, the baseline is beds made, towels hung up, sink empty, counters clean, clothes in hampers and toys put away. This is not how our home looks all day, but it does look this way about twice per day. We make beds as soon as we get out of them, and clothes immediately go in hampers or in drawers. After breakfast I unload the dishwasher and clean the counters. Everyone’s room gets picked up as part of morning chores. Before bedtime, the kitchen gets cleaned again and the kids are responsible for picking up all their toys. Even though this is more about straightening than cleaning, this step makes a world of difference for me. Clear surfaces are calming.
4. Clean as You Go. Survival mode does not afford dedicated cleaning or laundry days, so look for moments throughout the normal course of your day that you might be able to clean. Wipe bathroom counters down after you brush your teeth or while your kids play in the bath. Consider filling a kitchen scrub brush with a 50/50 mixture of vinegar and dish soap and keeping it in your shower. That way, even showering can be productive {and who couldn’t use an excuse for a few extra minutes in the shower?} Try to do a bit of laundry every day. Load the dishwasher as you use dishes, instead of filling the sink. The small tasks add up.
5. Focus on the Areas that Matter. Don’t waste time cleaning {or worrying} about spaces that don’t really matter. Now is probably not the time to worry about how the toy room isn’t organized. Focus your precious efforts on the rooms you spend the most time in—your family room, the bedrooms and bathrooms and the kitchen. Make peace with the fact that the whole house may never be clean all at the same time.
6. Empower your Children {and Husband, and Guests}. Explain to your family that this time may not feel normal. Explain that you might need extra help—that helping each other is part of being a family. Give children age-appropriate chores to lighten your load. If you have small children, consider portioning out a variety of healthy snacks and putting them within their reach. My four and six-year-old daughters understand the times of day they are allowed to have snacks and enjoy choosing what they will eat. During our weekends with company, we set out breakfast for them to get for themselves while we were totally sleep deprived. We made sure provisions they might need, like towels, shampoo, toothbrushes and snacks were easy to find, and we encouraged them to help themselves. Setting these expectations helped everyone feel more at home, and helped me feel like I wasn’t always on the hook for everything.
7. Ask for Help…and Accept it! Ask for help, and don’t be afraid to be specific. When friends or family ask what they can do, fight the urge to say “nothing.” Consider that when you ask others how you can help, you really mean it. Think of how much you’d appreciate knowing exactly what would help your friend the most. Assume that your family and friends feel the same way. If you need dinner, ask for it. If you need an afternoon away from your children, ask for that. It may be difficult, it may feel strange, but you can’t expect to get help that you’re not willing to ask for.
8. Most Importantly, Give Yourself Grace. Pray for perspective to help you determine what really matters, and try to let go of everything else. In the end, if your children don’t get to bed on time, if your family isn’t eating as wholesome as they typically do, if the dishes pile up—no one will really be worse for wear. Focus on loving and caring for yourself and your family, and remind yourself daily that this season will pass.
What are your best tips for managing your home and family during a busy or transitional time?
Great article.