Dear friend who still has your mother,
It came like a thief. . .10 months almost exactly from the day she was diagnosed until the day she left us. Cancer has a way of doing that. . .robbing its victims and their families of life and freedom. One day we’re doing life together, making plans for the future and the next we’re fighting a battle for health and eventually saying goodbye.
I never imagined I’d lose my mom this way or so soon. I couldn’t have planned for it or prepared for it. Her fate swooped in like a thief and took her away before I ever had the chance to fully digest what was happening.
And because of my faith I stand with peace and continue to hope but still. . .
This Mother’s Day I am, for the first time, a mom without a mother. I will receive cards and gifts and lots of love but I cannot give them. I cannot express my gratitude, despite her imperfections, with lavish love. I cannot thank her for all she taught me about being a mom, both good and bad. I cannot share how much she’s impacted my life, as a mom and a wife and a woman.
So dear friend who still has your mother,
Whether you walk extremely close or there’s a valley of difference between you, reach out to your mother this week.
Whether you see eye to eye or you can’t agree on much of anything, look your mother in the eyes if you can and tell her how special she is.
Whether she’s loved you well or lacked in affection, tell her how much you love her and linger in love through words or embrace.
Whether she’s been your role model or she’s shown you what not to do, tell her how much you’ve learned from her.
Whether she’s been a near perfect mother or a much less than perfect one, she’s still here and that fact alone leaves so much potential for you both.
Call her, embrace her, lavish her with your love whether it comes easy or along with tons of baggage.
Reach out for reconciliation if you are estranged.
Reach out in compromise if you are indifferent.
Reach out with time and attention if you are busy.
Reach out with affection if you are reserved.
Reach out with lavish love even if you already do it regularly.
This time last year I never dreamed I’d spend this Mother’s Day without my mom. Please, don’t let another day slip by without connecting with yours.
Happy Mother’s Day friends. May you find grace to give and receive so much love.
Thank you for this. My mother just passed away 4 weeks ago. The emptiness and heartache I feel is beyond imaginable some days. Physical pain is not something I thought you could feel when you lose someone. But I feel it all the time. This Mother’s Day is a day I would rather ignore and stay to myself. But I have so many wonderful ladies in my life that I know with time and love I will make it.
A friend posted your letter on Facebook today and it touched my soul. I just lost my Mom February 15, 2016. She lived the last 3 years with me and my husband in Texas. She was 92 years old but perfectly healthy. Just got pneumonia and they couldn’t get her well. I have 3 sisters and none of us could believe within 3 weeks she went from the life of the party on New Years Eve to being gone. I know a lot of young people who have lost their Moms and several who do not take the time to honor their Moms. Hoping the beautiful spirit of your writing touches their hearts so they too can enjoy the beauty of a Mom’s love. Thank you for penning such heartfelt guidance
Judy, I am so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs your way as you find the strength to honor your mother’s legacy this Mother’s Day.
A friend posted this yesterday…it’s as if you have read my mind. I lost my mom in September 2015 after a 7 month cancer fight. She refused to say she lost to it, always believing she was the winner. I miss her every day. Thank yu for putting into words what I can’t.
Jennifer, I’m so sorry for your loss. Sounds like your mom was a strong woman! Saying a prayer for you this Mother’s Day!
I think the first Mother’s Day is hard. I was surprised by the fact I was angry. Mother’s Day looked so artificial and contrived. And I was angry that no one else seemed to see it but me. I don’t think there’s any rhyme or reason to how we react to losing our mothers. It’s just complicated.
Sheila, grief is so complicated, yes. I can completely understand the anger. I went through that for a while too. Thank you for sharing your perspective. Even though we are all so different, it helps to hear what others have experienced. Hugs to you this Mother’s Day!
My mom died on Valentine’s Day of this year. Two years ago, she had two heart attacks and we were given a timeline of 7 years. Then in February of this year, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died only 6 days later.
The first line of this just really hits home with me. We knew our time was limited because of her heart condition, but then the cancer came like a thief.
My mom was emotionally and mentally abusive as a result of years of sexual abuse she endured when she was growing up that she never got help healing from. Our relationship suffered greatly because of it.
Thank you for writing this, it feels like it was written from my own heart.
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. Sending love and hugs your way this Mother’s Day.
I remember this one last year. Hope you post it EVERY year in honor of your mama. Another precious soul I look forward to meeting in Heaven. xo
What a beautiful blog today! I have thought of you and your family a lot this last week or so and feel your pain, having lost my mother suddenly when I was 26 and my wonderful mother-in-law just 3 years ago, also very suddenly. Your advice is timely and wise and I wish to share it on my Facebook page if that is ok with you.
May God continue to hold you all close to His heart this weekend. I can tell you it does get easier in spite of the fact that that “twinge” just never goes away. But would we really want it to? God’s peace~
Thank you Cathy. Your care is always so comforting. Thank you for sharing!!
My mother was diagnosed May 8th with multiple myeloma. August 28th she left this life for her eternal life. I like you, never expected this nor did she. It took us all by surprise. It hurts, it sucks, there are no words to describe how my heart aches, sometimes it is all I can do to breathe. But I have faith and hope that I will see her again one day … some days I wished it was soon.
Oh Jennifer I am so sorry! Sending you big hugs. I understand completely. It’s just so unfair, despite the truth our faith gives us. It still sucks!! Praying for you this week!
Thanks for sharing, Jessica. My mom has been gone 13 years, to cancer, and even tho I focus on my own children, Mother’s Day always has that little sting to it.
I really enjoy your blogs. Blessings.
Jen, I have imagined that the ache of the absence never really goes away. Love and hugs to you!! I’ll be praying for you this week. Jessica
My mom has been with our Heavenly Father for now 7 years. Not a day goes by that I am not reminded of her in some way. I see her in myself, in my children. What a wonderful
Blessing God gives.
I know for myself, it is a celebration with my children (11 children, 8 grandchildren, 3 wonderful son in laws), but also a celebration of my Momma, and the gift given to me by God.
I am in prayer this week for you.