Finding Life in Death, Hope in Sorrow

This month we’ve stared life and death in the face, almost simultaneously. After a 10 month battle with ALS, my husband’s mom went home to be with Jesus. And after another journey through infertility we’ve reach the half-way point in our miracle pregnancy. One morning a few weeks ago Dave and I had a doctor’s appointment where we learned we were having a boy and then proceeded to the funeral home where we said our goodbyes to the woman who gave birth to him. I’ve pondered so much this month and I’m left with the question: How does one reconcile the hugeness of both life and death at the same time?

Although my mind cannot comprehend the ways of the Lord, I can see a rich thread running through our loss and our gain. The sweet, sweet mercy of God. We are grieving the loss of our loved one yet we know that it was God’s grace and mercy that saw fit to bring her ultimate healing and peace in heaven. ALS is one of the cruelest diseases I have ever witnessed. It was only going to get worse. God knew that and he rescued our mother. This new life growing inside me came to us through nothing short of a miracle. A fact that also proves our God is good and loving and full of mercy. Although I am not proud of all the responses I had while traveling this journey, the Lord saw my weary heart and brought life to my body. Sweet, sweet mercy.

I suppose the best way I know how to process what we’ve walked through this month is to search for ways the Lord might be trying to focus our mind through these circumstances. I can choose to be consumed by the heaviness of it all or I can choose to open my eyes to see what he wants me to see as I am in the midst of life and death. One of the things I regret most is never having the chance to tell Dave’s mom, face to face, how thankful I am that she raised a strong yet gentle, servant-hearted, kind and thoughtful man. I am blessed daily by the character that Dave’s mother worked to build in him. And as I look towards having a son of my own I can only hope that I will be as successful as she was. I am so thankful for the example that she (and my own mother) has given me. What a legacy that I now have the opportunity to pass on to my children.

His mercies are new every morning. Therefore, we get to witness His great love, daily. And so we are not consumed by the heaviness of all that surrounds us. Instead we can find life in death and hope in sorrow.

Love,