He Gives and Takes Away

As Mother’s Day draws closer, I find I have mixed emotions. I am excited to celebrate the fact that God has blessed me abundantly in the mere fact that I get to be called “Mom”. But the circumstances surrounding my family cause my enthusiasm to be stunted.

A year ago on Mother’s Day, I stood in church while we sang Matt Redman’s song, “Blessed Be Your Name” and I wept. It was two short months after losing twins through a heterotopic pregnancy and as I thought of the now, four babies I’ll never meet here on earth I felt both sorrow and joy because after all, I am their mother too. I suppose I was so moved by the song because it’s been part of the soundtrack of my journey to motherhood. Each time I experienced a miscarriage, I heard this song on the radio. . .within days before it happened. I’ve gotten to the point where I quickly turn the tuner if it comes on for fear of what it might mean. As if God would allow a song to determine my fate. . .But that moment for me was both cleansing and transforming as I realized my role as a mother goes way beyond the limitations of this earth. Since I believe in the eternal, I can believe that every life I produced as a mother has a purpose – even though I do not touch it in the physical.

Earlier this year as we celebrated the miracle life currently growing in my womb, we simultaneously mourned the loss of my husband’s mother, Linda. After a short battle with ALS, Linda went to be with Jesus on January 31. Three weeks later we said goodbye to Linda’s mother – Dave’s grandmother, Lenore.

I’ve been thinking a lot about these two women as I look towards Mother’s Day. Like me, their role as mother and grandmother goes way beyond this earth. I am sad that we cannot honor them in the flesh but I know that the legacy they leave behind shines daily light on the fact that they were great women. I see them in my sister in law. . .I see them in my own daughter. And because I believe in the eternal, I believe they are being celebrated in Heaven, perhaps alongside my little ones. . .their grand-babies.

This song holds so much more meaning for me now. I am surrounded by the blessings He gives: 2 miracle babies, my own precious mother who lives so close. . .the list could go on and on. And yet He takes away: loved ones, dreams. . .thankfully not as long a list. As I encounter blessing and loss in my life, I may not always feel it but my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name. Whether you are dealing with the loss of a mother or grandmother or child. . .If you are dealing with the pain of infertility or waiting for your dream of motherhood to be fulfilled, I pray that each of you will find hope and strength within your heart this Mother’s Day to declare the same.

Happy Mother’s Day,