“Mommy, what are those purple lines on your leg?” she asked.
“Those are mommy’s veins,” I said, disgusted with one of my body’s biggest imperfections.
She looked more closely and you could tell she wanted to know more. My mind started formulating several statements of complaint in which I would tell my daughter how ugly I thought my legs were and how I won’t wear shorts even if it’s 105 degrees out.
But my heart spoke before my head could send it’s message to my mouth. {For once in my life.}
“We all have veins honey. When you get older, sometimes they start to show up a little more,” I explained. In that moment, I fought a battle between the part of me that needed to complain about something that plagues me daily and the part that knew I couldn’t let my daughter see my deep discontent with a physical feature.
In a matter of seconds, I decided to get over it. Not so much for me, but for her.
She began to examine her own body.
“I have veins too mommy, see?” she said, pointing to her wrist as if she were proud that part of her was just like part of me.
“I see them. Yes, you do.” I replied.
Oh how easy it is to innocently complain about our veins, our cellulite, our frizzy hair, our belly pooch. . . Little comments that little ears and little minds file away and bring to recollection, even unknowingly, years later when it really matters. In a child’s mind, it’s not an imperfection at all but rather a point of inquisition. A difference. A question to be explored. They only begin to understand it’s a “bad” difference when we reveal to them that it’s unwanted.
Our children will encounter enough messages through the world about what is good and acceptable regarding their body and the way they look. They don’t need us to lay a foundation of doubt and discontent for them. What they need is affirmation and our example of self-respect to send a message of acceptance to their hearts.
Yes, at 36 I have a on the back of my legs reminiscent of one I once saw on my 90 year old great grandmother’s leg. It’s often mistaken for a nasty bruise and it’s the reason I shy away from shorts in the summer time. I may or may not be able to treat it medically someday. No, it’s not the only one I have. Just the biggest.
But I’m over it. I’m not going to let those little buggers ruin my summer. It’s part of who I am {actually, something I inherited from my grandmother – hopefully along with her ferocious faith and ability to cook}. I will not let those veins affect the way my daughter looks at her own imperfections.
Last week {when I pulled shorts out of the drawer for the first time this season}, I couldn’t have written these words. But I am thankful for these moments with our children that stretch us and teach us as we try desperately to lead them in the right direction. Now, every time I look at one of those purple lines on my legs, I think of my girl and how much I want her to love herself.
And because of that desire, I’m learning to love myself more and more every day.
How has your child helped you to see your imperfections differently?
This isn’t a matter of “imperfections,” this is a matter of health – far more important. While there was no need to go in-depth about the circulatory system and causes of varicosities, it was a chance to introduce the child to knowing anatomy and healthy activities and behaviors which promote wellness.
You have these obvious veins because something isn’t working right. They could be due to pregnancy and compression. Heredity plays a factor, of course. But if there are habits and behaviors, and diet that promotes varicosities and, let us hope note, claudication, embolism, etc., then that must be addressed.
Here we are as adults, living in these bodies, and we know next to nothing about how they work unless we are medical professionals. This is absurd. Intensive teaching should begin early on. Knowing how the body functions, in medical-school level detail, should be a goal. To be so dependent on “medical professionals,” (who aren’t likely to go into great detail), when we inhabit these forms, is ridiculous.
I hope you will both address the care of your veins and arteries, etc., and also give your child the knowledge she should have. Give science along with the rest.
PS. Have those veins evaluated so you can be well and active.
This is so convicting, and I don’t even have children yet! I’m so glad God never stops growing us and is so patient with us.
Sara Beth, it’s something we all need to remember. . .children or not. You’ll be ahead of the game when you do have them. : )
Good for you! I have a very prominent mole on my neck and I always try to answer very matter of factly when my 3 yr old son asks me about it — I want him to learn that people come with all kinds of interesting features, but they’re not good or bad in and of themselves.
So timely Jessica! Just had a similar conversation with my son about why I wear Capri pants and not shorts in the summer…need to let it go!
It’s so important with sons too right? Not only to help them love themselves but to help them value women, flaws and all! Thanks Kim!
I so love this. Those very thoughts go through my mind very often. Having 3 girls, I find myself trying so hard to help them love and embrace their differences instead of wanting to be like all of their friends. I pray daily that the little seeds will one day root, bud and blossom so that they are confident in who God has created them to be (physically and spiritually). Thanks for the post!
Yes. Little seeds. It doesn’t seem like much but it’s so important. Loved being with your girls this weekend!!
This brought tears to my eyes! So good! Proud of you, Jess!
Thanks friend. : )