Although I am ashamed to put it on the record, there have been lots of times when I have disliked my own children. Have you ever been there? One of my worst fears as a mother of little children was to find myself stuck with them through the summer months, bored, fussy and driving me crazy. {Cue horror movie music.} I just couldn’t cope with the demands they placed on me. I looked for every possible VBS, day camp, and summer activity where I could drop them off and have a couple of hours of sanity! {Is this sounding familiar at all?}
Before I knew it, shipping them off to activities became my default way of coping with them. They became my “problem.”
Last year we needed to make some changes for my daughter’s schooling for many reasons, and we ended up doing a year of homeschool. I have never been one to jump for joy at the thought of homeschooling my children, so I kept trying to give God some other suggestions. He just smiled at me with His all-knowing smile; and then He told me something that started to transform my relationship with my children. He told me in the deepest place in my heart, “I want you to apprentice your daughter to yourself this year. Take her under your wing and train her. Teach her how you think and the ways I have shown you to live and love and treat other people.”
Something in my hardened heart melted just a bit.
So, I had an 8 year old apprentice this year. She went almost everywhere with me; we worked on school, cleaned the house, cooked meals, ran errands, served at church, talked, laughed, cried, fought, struggled…and my love for her grew immensely. By having her constantly at my side, we grew to know each other in a new way. We forged a deep bond that we so desperately needed as mother and daughter.
This is the first summer that I’m not freaking out about being with my children. I’m actually kind of excited about it.
Do you want to stop disliking your kids? Draw them in close.
Study them. Hear them.
Ask God what He sees when He looks at them.
Share pieces of your heart with them. Let them love you. Let them fail. Let them make big messes. Teach them how to set things right. Invest your time and attention in them, and your affections will follow.
Have you ever felt like your kids were a “problem”? What are you doing to melt your dislike into enjoyment?
Ah. This post was what I needed. This is actually my first summer feeling like my kids are just a necessary inconvenience in my life. Most summers I’ve enjoyed them. This one… well, maybe it’s because they’re all finally old enough to be self-entertained, and so I expect them to just leave me alone. I don’t know.
But you’ve pricked my heart with this. I need to use this summer’s freer schedule to love on them, draw them into my heart… and just plain have fun. And quite simply, this begins in my own mind. I need to stop thinking, “I need to find a way to get them to leave me alone” and start thinking, “how can I bond with my kids today.”
Thank you for this post.
ahhhh! I love that word! I am going to “borrow” it for myself. I have been feeling the same way- like I was to slow down the pace of life until it reached a place of being “present” with my kids and “enjoying” them. And that it was “ok” to be a “yes” mom sometimes.
Homeschooled for 2 years and thought I was going to slit my wrists (can I say that on here? hahah)
I would consider it again in the future if/when she and I got to the place that it sounds like you are…
Thanks for the words!
Haha, yes, you can say that… 🙂 Sometimes we just need to hear that other women feel the same way about the things we are dealing with. When you open up to God and let Him gently lead you, He has a crafty way of working the stiffness out of your neck and the hardness out of your heart. That’s what He has been doing with me. And every growing pain has been worth the end result, for sure. You’re on the right track, my friend! Thanks for commenting!!
I love this!! My kids are in public school all day and sometimes I think you get used to not having them around and when they are, they demand your attention and you forget to give it to them. I have a 24 month old at home and my other three are like her babysitter when they get home so I can get things done. Boy your post is a wake up call. Thank you so much for being truthful and real!
Yes!!! This is so good. It’s amazing what intentional connection does on the worst of days. Love your incredible summary and testimony of a life-altering year.