After struggling with infertility for so many years, when I finally held my baby girl, one thing became evident, the struggle was well worth it. However, in the midst of the struggle, I wrestled with uncertainty, doubt, and fear. I knew I was going to be a mom, but I didn’t know how and when. I was willing to go to the ends of the earth (or the other side of it at least) to get my baby, if that was the plan God had for me. My heart ached to be a mom and it ached for my baby. Now on the other side of our struggle with infertility, I am a mom. I am blessed beyond words, and I know it.
In the midst of the struggle, I remember thinking…if my child were here right now and I had to do whatever it took to keep them alive, then I would do it without question, so why is this any different? I believed that I was fighting for their life, before it even began. Now every time I look into those blue eyes, or feel the little tug of my pantleg, or get a request for a “hug” or to “hold you”, I am so thankful that God gave me that perspective.
I keep a running prayer log of people that I know that are in that same fight. It is such a joy when I get to mark them off of my list…because it means that they have welcomed a child into their family. Although now, I’ve had to put some of those friends back on the list. They are moms already, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t still contending for a child, another one. When God places a desire for a child in your heart, it is very real—whether it’s the first, third, or fifth. So don’t say to someone, “well at least they have so and so (referring to their first child).” Although they may not be battling for their identity as a parent, they are contending for life and for their family.
The way in which a family has to fight doesn’t matter either. The struggle is still real. I’ve seen adoptions fail or simply not come through, and the emotions are so similar to that of infertility. You feel loss and uncertainty, and yet you cling to hope believing for that next member of the family. It was always frustrating to me when people would flippantly say “Oh why don’t you just adopt?” I always wanted to respond. “Really? Because it’s that easy?” I was always open to adoption, but the process of adoption is far from clear, nor is it certain. You have no more guarantee of getting a child through adoption than you do with trying to conceive one. Sure agencies can give you a guarantee, but they can’t guarantee a child without a wait or heartache. But if your emotions can handle it, then most of the time adoption does work out.
This past week, two of my friends had miscarriages, and one of my friends admitted hopelessness after waiting for years for her adopted child — my heart aches for them. They ache for a child. God has given them a desire, and they are answering the call to contend and believe for that child.
We all have our struggles, whether it be finances, food, infertility, etc—regardless of the battle, we cannot give up! Just as we win one battle, another one is on the horizon. Don’t stop fighting and don’t give up hope. You may need to rest or even take a break, but don’t give up. In the end, it is well worth it.
{Originally posted at KristyChowning.com}
Thank you so much for sharing. We have 4 children, 13, 13, 11, 5 but God placed strongly on hearts for a fifth. After 2 early miscarriages over the course of a year, we conceived again. The ultrasounds and blood work were great, all was well, then at 23 weeks, no heartbeat. I struggled so much as I would hear, ” well at least you already have a beautiful family” or “God’s just testing you”, etc…. by so many who had never experienced that kind of loss. But the loss of a child is the loss of a child. We had watched him on the ultrasound screen wiggling and waving just a few weeks before. Then he was just gone. No explanation.
These things just happen and I don’t know if we will know why this side of heaven. But I thank you for your posts and your compassion. They really speak into my heart.