11 Simple Ways to Freshen Up Your Marriage

I’m going to admit it. . .my marriage needs a little freshening up. It’s not because my husband isn’t cutting it. No, he’s amazing. And despite the lies I hear in my head daily, I think I’m a pretty good wife. But life is happening all around us and sometimes the train is moving so fast you just need to pull the brakes and get off for a bit. And that may seem impossible. . .stopping everything to focus on each other. . .but it’s really not an option. It must be done if we are going to make it past the staggering divorce statistics.

I love my husband so much. And I am willing to fight for our marriage. Sometimes fighting for our marriage is about pressing in and making each other a priority. Sometimes it’s about shutting out the world and connecting again. Busyness and with it, neglect can be just as much of a danger to marriage as an affair or break of trust.

As we approach our 12 year anniversary next month, I’m purposing to focus on how to freshen up our marriage and make my husband feel like he’s the most important human being in my life. I know I probably won’t be consistent with it but there’s grace. As I offer the Lord {and my spouse} a genuine heart of love and care, grace will fill in the gaps where I fail. I think so often we stop trying because we feel it’s too hard or we’ll never do it well. And that’s where marriages end. . .in that place of defeat. But if we try. . .I mean really try to keep things fresh and stay connected, I believe we’ll deepen our marriages and our effectiveness as families.

11 Simple Ways to Freshen Up Your Marriage

1. Cook dinner together. Try a new, seasonal recipe. Comb through Pinterest together {if you can get him on there} and choose something that sounds amazing to both of you. Put the kids to bed a little early and have fun whipping up a new dish. Light candles and make it a romantic dinner for two.

2. Go on a fun date. Not the normal dinner and a movie. Do something different. We have this place in town called Sky High. It’s basically a jump zone on steroids. The whole room is filled with trampolines. At first thought, you’d plan to take the kids. But I’m dying to go on a date, maybe with another couple and just laugh and jump all night long. In the midst of life, we could all use a little fun in our marriage!

3. Work on a project together. Maybe something around the house or even a puzzle or {manly, of course} craft. I just bought my husband a Big Ben lego set for his birthday and I told him I want to put it together with him one night after the kids go to bed.

4. Master his sport. If you don’t already know them, learn the rules of football or basketball. Learn about his favorite teams and players. If you’re up for it, offer to plan a sporting date where he takes you to play golf or basketball or arrange a couples game of football at a local park. I know that one of the ways my husband wants me to show love is by being interested in what he’s interested in. I can be awful about this, so focused on my own things. I am determined to move past my selfishness and hey, I may just have a blast throwing a ball around this fall.

5. Meet on the porch or the back deck for 30 minutes after putting the kids to bed and just sit, chat and drink your favorite beverage. Connect BEFORE you turn to media.

6. Schedule a day trip. Plan it or just get in the car and go. Explore your surroundings and create adventure, together.

7. Make intimacy a priority. If you aren’t connecting sexually, talk about why. Are you too busy? Too tired? Too distracted? Too overwhelmed by the tiny humans that have taken over your life? Talk about it and find strategies for making intimacy a priority. Schedule it if you have to. There is no shame in that! Kristy shared some amazing encouragement about sex in this post. Read it again and consider how you can overcome the excuses of not making intimacy a priority.

8. Do a media fast. Shut.it.down for one night a week or one day during the weekend. I know how hard this is. It will be hard for me but I’m sensing the need to do it. No one will miss us if we are offline for a day. Life will go on, and we’ll be better for it.

9. Break out old photo books. Look at childhood pictures together and tell stories. I think I fall in love with my husband all over again every time I see his little boy self with that cute red hair and big smile. Ask each other questions and dig deep into the past. You may just learn a little something that will help you love each other better.

10. Ask each other this question. . .“What do you need from me right here, right now?” And be willing to receive and address the answer. This is something we can do regularly to check in with each other and make sure we aren’t overlooking one another’s needs.

11. Remember your WHY. Why did you fall in love? What was it that made you say, YES, this is the one! Remind each other of your whys and be willing to admit if things have shifted. Maybe he married you because you were such a go-getter but after having kids you can barely keep the house in order. Maybe you married him because he made you feel so special, giving out compliments regularly but now, in the midst of pressures at work, he struggles to notice you. Honest conversations that bring us back to the heart and soul of our marriage will only strengthen us to move forward.

Marriage is hard. It takes a daily effort to show our love in the midst of all the crazy that life brings our way. But it’s so worth it to continue the partnership God planned for us. Remember, that we are better together. . .with our spouse. I don’t ever want busyness or the pressures of life to cause me to forget that truth.

Do you need to freshen up your marriage this fall? What are some of your favorite and unique ways to connect with your spouse?