Today’s guest is one of my {Jess’s} favorite people in the whole world. Donna is a friend, mentor and second mom to me. We’ve walked through a lot of life together and she has poured so much wisdom and love into my heart. As we look to gather in women from all stages of motherhood, I am honored to have the wise and grace-filled words of my sweet friend in this space. Please welcome her. I know you will be blessed by her perspective.
Memorial Day has long past and we are well into summer. Ahh, summer! Nostalgia filled memories of lazy, leisurely days, incredible vacations, family reunions, church camps, VBS and so much more. Or maybe not!
This will be my third summer as a grandmother. Once a week, I spend the day with two actively, mobile reflections of my heritage. I see bits and pieces of personalities and physical traits of both generations that create a unique yet similar design from God. Wonderfully, I have been granted a gift to live close enough to participate in their everyday life.
When I began to fill in my summer calendar, I realized that within me, was a familiar desire to make summer memorable, just like I tried to do when my children were young. I still yearn to do crazy, fun things that bring endless rounds of laughter. I want to fill the days with activities that inspire and teach and yes, make them love me even more. I want to be the cool grandma, even if they are only a toddler or preschooler.
Yet, God had me pause as I began the frenzy of the Google search for age-related activities. What had brought me joy as a child? Where did the stories I retold as an adult originate? Were my recollections actual memories or descriptions of pictures shared over and over as I sat in my mother’s lap and flipped through albums with my siblings?
As I reflected on my summers past and rehearsed with my adult children, their summer memories, I realized several things. Memories are selective and are usually attached to an emotional response. For instance, a full week of beach activities was overshadowed by the pain of seeing our one and only argument during that trip. {Don’t judge! Aren’t we all guilty of at least one vacation battle?} Visiting family that lived across the country held more stories about the travel than the family even if it was the last time we got to see that quirky cousin. While at home, one day of discarding meal manners with spaghetti and getting hosed down before baths became a forever memory.
What that tells me is that I can’t predict what my grandchildren will remember. They will immortalize emotional responses before activities. And, they will remember it differently than I do.
So, today, I ask myself, Are my expectations of summer plans valid? If my expectations are based on a Norman Rockwell painting, that forever idealizes the picture of a “perfect” summer moment, I have instantly set myself up for disappointment and disillusionment. Outside factors, such as weather, illness, nap schedule and strong-willed personalities can torpedo the best laid plans. And in reality, I still have to function within the limits of a toddler and a preschooler universe. Composing and believing my script for the ideal day puts me in the Creator’s chair. The Message encourages us to,
Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Matthew. 6:31-33
By believing that, I can embrace with joy, the unexpected, redesigned adventures of summer.
Am I content? It will be my heart and my hopes and my expressions that lay the foundation of how my grandchildren respond in the moment. If I’m discontented and become irritable in trying to force fun, they will seize that tick of the clock to meltdown in the most dramatic and most public of spectacle. And that leaves me over-reacting, feeling rejected and ranting about their behavior. All of which are the ingredients for a memory I don’t want them to have! In Philippians, Paul says that he learned to be content in any circumstance. To be honest, I’m still learning to be content when I’m not in control. I’m grateful, though, that my being content in my present season comes more easily. I have learned that with contentment comes peace and that deep sense of peace can color any “out of sort” event with joy.
What do I need to remember? I am only in a few frames of their life story. That makes my time with them precious and priceless. My sense of control over how they see me or remember me is a myth. No matter how many years I am allowed to share with them, it will be their spirit that filters my remaining influence. They will never have the complete picture of my love for them or what I would do for them because of that love. The snapshots of memorable moments we shared may blur but what will remain is their hearts’ response to how I loved them well. Like Moses I have prayed, “Teach me to number my days that I may gain a heart of wisdom. Satisfy me early with Your mercy, that I may rejoice and be glad all my days.” So that every day I am with them, my joy is what they see and a heart of wisdom nourishes their souls.
As you think about your summer plans, have you written a script? Is there room for peace when a redesigned adventure occurs? What is it you truly want your children to remember?
Donna Hawkins has served as an Oncology nurse for 15 years after staying home with and homeschooling her children from kindergarten through high school. She is a mentor and leader to many women in her hometown of Franklin, TN. Mother of 2 and grandmother of 2, Donna spends her days loving and leading women along their journey of life.
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