Nothing gets me fired up quicker than the phrase –
You Can Have It All.
A recent cover of Time Magazine showed a couple peacefully resting on the beach with the caption – The Childfree Life: When Having It All Means Not Having Children.
Before I ruffle any feathers, please first, hear my heart – I am grateful that those who don’t want children are choosing not to have them. Secondly, I will not deny that the thought of being within arm’s reach of my husband on a beach feels like a dream come true.
But truth be told, my man and I – we are living the dream, it’s our dream! We chose to have these two boys that fill our home with stickers, sippy cups, hugs, slobbers, and the most amazing laughs you have ever heard. Still – we don’t have it all.
Let’s equate this “having it all” statement to a nice dinner date. And let’s say that it’s the nicest restaurant we could possibly afford. Still, I would have to choose something off the menu. Maybe an appetizer, a steak, even dessert, but I couldn’t have it all. I would place my order, sit back and wait for what I have picked, and then spend the next few minutes enjoying every last bite. Life is just like this.
Right now I am choosing to be a working momma. I admit to struggling not to define myself by either of these titles – the working part or the momma part. Instead, in the working and in the mommy-ing I am doing my best to savor it. Is my plate too full? Yep. Do I sometimes have to pack a to-go bag and do some work at home or maybe even do some grocery shopping on my lunch break, yes, totally. But this is what I choose! And I love it. I am exhausted. I am happy. I am grateful. My heart is full.
Be certain, I am not having it all. And that’s ok! What I am having are these wonderfully delectable moments and I am savoring every memory I can. The truth is. . . children or no children, no one can have it all. And no one person can define what “having it all” means for another.
Someday, when the kids are gone from our nest and my husband and I are on some beach, somewhere we will be reminiscing about these children we raised together and how incredibly blessed we are to have lived in these moments. And we will be grateful that we didn’t fill our plates in an attempt to have it all for we might have been too full to enjoy the meal!
How do you feel about the idea of “having it all”? Think it’s possible?
Having it all means you’re too full to enjoy the meal. I like that concept. A very good reason to say no to some things and savor the things/people you do have.
I agree that each person will have his/her own variation of “having it all”. If someone doesn’t want to have children I think that is fine and respect that as a personal choice. I just hope people wouldn’t view children as a burden and hindrance to having “it all”. The rewards of raising children aren’t measurable by the standards of this world. You can be content and feel that you have it all with children. It just looks different and may not include regular weekends in Vegas or the islands. Even without children though, my life wouldn’t likely include those. 🙂
Lindsay, You are so right. Probably wouldn’t have it all even without children. And the funny thing is {not to get all technical} but the title of the article directly contradicts the purpose of it. Which is why I think the whole idea of “having it all” is so ridiculous. “All” – because it could never, ever be an actual description of what one person has – is such a relative term. I’m not after “it all” I’m simply after contentment and joy in what I’ve chosen based on His leading. Love that Jess started this discussion though. Good stuff!
I agree, Lindsay. And I love what you said about the rewards of raising children not being measurable by the standards of this world. Wow. That’s so true. Thanks for sharing that.
Love what you both added, Adriel and Jenevieve! Totally agree on the sacrifice statement and my family is worth every sacrifice required. Maybe it’s most important just to enjoy what you have when you are having it 🙂 Thanks for reading!
I totally agree with Adriel. Everyone’s “having it all” is different. And, for me, sacrifice makes what I do have more meaningful and even more enjoyable.
Also, for me, I do not think I will ever “have it all” until I meet Jesus face to face in Heaven :). Maybe there is an “all” on earth and a different “all” in Heaven?
Thanks for this post!!!!
I haven’t read the article you’re referring to so can only comment on what you’ve said here. But the thing that I always default to is that anything of value costs something, right? So, I place this incredibly high value on family and our children and even our ministry… but it costs me something. (Sleep, free time, finances, energy, brain power, emotional toll, distance from my family, fill-in-the-blank.) It’s costly, yes, but SO valuable and SO worth it to me.
So no, I don’t think you can “have it all” – because to me having something of great value will always mean paying a great price (sometimes making a sacrifice), even if it is just in another area of your life. And I don’t think that’s a negative thing by any means. Just a reality. Love and sacrifice always go hand-in-hand.
But it’s all a matter of perspective, right? My “all” certainly will not look like the next woman’s “all”. So then again, maybe we can have it all. Just as long as it’s our own definition of “all”. 😉