In the 11 years I’ve been birthin’ babies, I’ve heard some crazy things in the delivery room. While most dads try their best to be supportive during labor, lets face it, this is an entirely new adventure for them. Here are some of the common gaffs that I hear dads make.
1. “That looks easy!”
This is a common faux pas that comes out surprisingly often in the delivery room. I will usually attempt to help save their marriage by suggesting that what he meant to say was “Honey you did so awesome, that you made it look easy.”
Most often, it is an honest mistake on the part of the dad. In the excitement of the moment, he’s not sure what to say. Trust me dads, no delivery is ever ‘easy.’
2. “My back hurts.”
I recently had a dad request my stool, as I went to deliver his wife’s baby. “Sorry sir, I need the stool to help bring your child into this world,” I said. “But my back really hurts” he replied, as his wife was pushing…without an epidural.
Really, dude? No, you cannot have my stool. You can stand there and be supportive of your beautiful wife as she experiences the worst pain of her life. Plus, I went to school a long time for the privilege of sitting on this stool. Are you going to ask to wear my white coat next, because you are chilly?
While your wife is in labor, you are not allowed to complain. I don’t care if you have a herniated disc and you have been asked to sleep on the floor.
On a related note, it is also bad form to sleep while your wife is pushing.
3. “No, honey you can’t have an epidural, because WE have decided to have natural childbirth.”
Beforehand, women often tell their husbands to not let them get an epidural, no matter what they say. But sometimes…they really mean it.
This is a sticky situation for the dad, similar to the questions, “Does this outfit make me look fat?” or “Do you think my friend is cute?” He doesn’t always know the right answer.
He wants to stick to the ‘birth plan’ but he also doesn’t want his wife to suffer. I feel for you dad, but no matter how involved you are in coaching the labor, referring to the experiences of birth in the first person is never a good idea.
In all seriousness, it is a good idea to have a secret code word that your wife can tell you when she really means business about the epidural.
4. “This Chick-fil-A is so awesome!”
Most hospitals do not allow the laboring mom to eat, so don’t devour a Chick-fil-A sandwich in front of your hungry wife. Even if she is not hungry, the smell of food can make her nauseated.
As an aside, do not ever bring a tuna fish sandwich into the room. It stinks…in a bad way.
5. “Just one second, let me finish this Tweet.”
Recently I had to utter a phrase in the delivery room that I thought I would never have to say:
“Dad put down your iPhone, come over here and cut the cord.” I swear I did.
Technology is awesome. As soon as the baby is born, you want to get the news out ASAP. But take a few minutes and enjoy the birth of your child before you start Facebooking it.
Also, don’t randomly start uploading delivery room pictures, until you look at them very closely. Another technology mistake is the accidental crotch shot upload.
The majority of dads, even the ones who make these mistakes, are overall very supportive. Most dads do rise to the occasion, as I’m sure your hubby will. Just to be safe though, you may want to ‘accidentally’ leave this post up on his laptop tonight.
Did your husband say something he shouldn’t have while you were in labor? If you haven’t experienced birth yet, what do you hope he doesn’t say?
My husband asked me if I let them (the nurses) know that he wasn’t feeling well. Ummm, No I am the patient????
ps. He also asked them…while in labor…how soon can she get an IUD? everyone paused and the doctor said…Do you mean epidural?
Hilarious!!!
When our first baby was born my husband stayed at the head of the bed, near me so he could coach and encourage me. Frankly, I think he was somewhat leery of being at the other end, although he did cut the cord. When Baby #2 was born he was more adventuresome and remained at the foot of the bed, adjacent to the doctor where all the action was. After we shared those first happy moments with our newborn, she was whisked away to be assessed and cleaned up. My husband returned to watch the doctor who by this time was stitching me up. “My God!” he said with a look of shock on his face. “What’s wrong? What is it?” I asked, with panic in my voice. “That us a HUGE cavernous opening! Sex will never be the same!” I immediately began to cry!
P.S. What he prophesied did NOT come true! 🙂
When my 14 year old was born in ’98, I was working in radio full-time, on-air morning DJ. Naturally, I have an odd sense of humor. And a horrible sense of timing in stressful; situations. It also displays itself at the wrong times. That day happened to be one of those times.
I was also a reserve deputy and a big fan of the show COPS.
As we were entering the home stretch of the delivery, I looked at the clock and noticed it was about 6:15pm. I did doze off a couple times during the night, when they had my wife up and walking (I had been up since 3:00am the day before we went to the hospital)
I was actually doing a great job up being supportive, keeping things light and as stres-free as possible (the nurses told me they appreciated my humor was keeping the stress down for them too) The room next to us had the BIGGEST drama queen ever!! That was even openly admitted by two nurses, and an attending. The noises she made had whales of the California coast trying to migrate to Iowa.
Anyway…it was about 6:15 pm and I was doing a great job with everything. Right up, and until the point I looked at my wife and said; “Ya know babe, if you hurry this along, we’ll be able to watch the new episode of COPS.” The Dr., who had just delivered her own twins 6 weeks prior,(she was unaware of my job/sense of humor0 glared at me. The nurses chuckled, and my wife…God Bless her…looked at the OB and said; “He’s the morning DJ at Z-98, he’s got an off beat sense of humor.”
My punishment, from the OB, was to watch my daughter’s head start to crown. While hesitant to see my “happy place” being ripped open,it backfired on the Dr. All the husbands she’d done that to in the past had passed out..COLD. Me, I was amazed; “WHOA…babe, this is SO awesome.”
Sadly, my wife and I divorced 8 years later, but we’re still friends, both heavily involved in our daughter’s life. And we still laugh about delivery day.
After I delivered our son, my husband was on his cot under a blanket…comfy cozy…. he says “could you let then nurses know that Im not feeling well”
Jill, I hope you ignored him. : ) Thanks for sharing!
Our youngest earthly child, Jaxten, is 3. When I was in labor and about to begin pushing my husband stood next to me and was trying to be encouraging, as I had been waiting a long time to be able to push since this he was sunny side up. He said “okay babe, let’s make a baby!” My mom looked at him and told him that we had already done that part 😉 I know he was trying to help me, but I was a bit embarressed and will never forget that moment!
Taking notes!
Where is the line, “Hey doc (or nurse), what is that thing you dropped”?
I like the fifth item in your list. With the prevalence of social media, some more important things are set aside for that “important” share or post.
Philip has said some crazy things during my deliveries. The best?
With Nate (#1) he said, “When I sprained my wrist, what helped was elevating it.”
One, seriously? Are you comparing your sprained wrist to me squirting out a live human?
Two, what exactly would I elevate in this scenario?
Tarama, I just laughed out loud reading this. My 3 yr old wanted to know what was so funny. I’m surprised you didn’t smack him!
Hilarious! Love it!
oh an dr.rupe I love that pic !!!
Thanks Jennifer! Your boys ARE adorable, I have to agree.
I think my husband said all of those things. I know he said his back hurt. and he did eat (so mean) He is lucky the kids are cute or I would beat him.. LOL
So, so mean to eat when you are working so hard and can’t. Men are just weaker than we are! They could never birth babies!!
With the birth of our first my husband left the room for a while during labor. When he came back, I had decided to get an epidural. His first comment to me as he walks back in the room is “So much for going natural, huh?” Even the nurses were giving him dirty looks.
Lorry, That is so wrong!Hopefully you’ve forgiven him. : ) Thanks for sharing!
Why would you say, hopefully, she’s forgiven him?