The other day I woke up as mom to a beautiful, emotional, erratic tween girl, and a tenderhearted, curious, hilarious seven year old boy. They have each been living in my home since their births, but somehow, things have changed—and in a sneaky, overnight kind of way.
Just a few months ago, my husband and I were enjoying a very satisfying parental moment as we observed our children making good choices and treating people with love. The sails of our parenting vessel were at full mast and we were cruising along with the wind at our backs. I guess we were asleep when a storm blew in! All of a sudden, I found myself throwing sideways glances at my husband as if to telepathically communicate, “Stand fast! Secure the rigging! This sucker’s going down!”
As we enter the surprise thunderstorms of tween-dom, I have this faint recollection of baby-dom {a.k.a. sleepless-night-Hades}, too. Back then, when we had barely reached the milestone of stringing six hours of sleep together, my babies would hit a growth spurt and go back to waking and eating every two hours. It was enough to make us crazy.
So, here we are again, a few parenting successes to our credit, and the girl child is changing things up. Bless it, though. She can’t help it just yet. All she knows is her own experience, so Captain and First Mate have to get this thing back on course.
My goal as a parent is to train my children to know God up close, to love people, to think clearly and to do their very best at whatever they do. I want my daughter and my son to be strong and wise. To be able to stand firm, no matter what comes against them in life. So, during these sneak-attack storms in parenting, I must have a plan. Here’s my plan in progress…Captain Hubby and I are still ironing out the details:
1. Pray
I know I don’t pray enough. I want to pray more! I want to continually pray from my spirit, grabbing hold of God’s will for my kids and binding them to it. As we enter this crazy Alice In Wonderland theme park of the tween years, I am committing to up my prayer life quite a bit. Tweenie needs it, I need it, and our family needs it.
2. Remain calm.
Parents must remain calm. The freak-out from the child only intensifies as the parent joins in. So I repeat to myself, “I must remain calm. I must remain calm. I must remain calm.” Even if all I can do is keep it together in Tweenie’s presence and then go scream in my pillow, “I must remain calm.”
3. Understand timing.
We have to be sensitive to the timing of our “instruction” to our kids—especially as they enter new phases. In the heat of the moment, not much understanding can happen. But, after the “remaining calm” part and the screaming in the pillow part, parents and kid can reunite for a more profitable encounter. Understanding timing goes a long way to show your child you respect her feelings and her situation—even if you do not approve of her behavior. {This can be extremely tricky, so let me refer you back to number 1.}
4. Give them space.
In the toddler years, everything is “No! Don’t touch!” “No, no! Come back here!” And we attempt to corral Toddler’s every movement. As children grow and begin to find some independence {which we are training them for}, there must be a conscious loosening of our grip on their chubby little arms. Not every issue is worth a fight. Will there be messy rooms? Mmmm-hmmm. Will Tweenie forget instructions and make giant mistakes? Yep. There will be plenty of time for lectures in The Situation Room, but not everything is Situation Room-worthy. Choose wisely and your words will have a more positive effect.
5. Propel them forward.
The biggest shift for me in this season of parenting is my game strategy. {Let me switcheroo my analogy here. This one is better for expressing this important lesson I’m learning.} It seemed as though I had been playing on an opposing team, blocking kicks from my child in attempts to keep her contained. Now, we have finished that game and have moved on to a 1st string/2nd string situation. My daughter is waiting on the bench for her turn to do what I am doing—being an adult, living life, making decisions. She wants to be out there so badly, but she has some more practicing to do. So now, instead of blocking her kicks as an opponent, I am mentoring her as a teammate. Inspiring her to do something great goes a lot farther than constantly telling her what she is doing wrong. Inspiration fills you with hope but constant correction squashes even the most resilient of hearts. I still correct her—don’t misunderstand. I just think twice before I flip the lecture switch because I really want her to hear me.
[Tweet “Inspiring our children to do something great goes a lot farther than constantly telling them what they are doing wrong. #parenting #seasons”]
Suffice it to say, what worked last year won’t work this year. Sorry, friend. The truth is, we always need to be ready to change our course in parenting. Let the Holy Spirit lead you as you navigate uncharted waters with your children. Joining forces with Him is the most effective parenting strategy there is.
What are your tips for weathering the storms of parenting?
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