Has God said ‘no’ to one of your recent requests? Something that seemed to make sense and fit so well into your plan? Has He closed the door to something that you wanted so badly? God has said ‘no’ to many petitions that I’ve brought before Him in my life. No matter how often He’s proven that His ways are higher than mine, it doesn’t seem to get any easier to hear the negative reply.
I knew going into this month that medically my chances of conceiving the first time through a cycle of treatment at the fertility clinic were low but it happened with our first child so I hoped and I prayed. There were many reasons I felt it had to happen this month. 1 – A March due date worked perfectly for me. 2 – We’ve been through too much already and enough is enough. 3 – We have other family trials we are facing right now so if we could just overcome this one, I could move on to the next one. 4- Surely He wouldn’t want us to shell out this money again next month. . .and so on and so forth. Although it seemed like the perfect scenario to me, it must not have been because He said ‘no’ this month. I am not pregnant.
Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life.” King Solomon in all his wisdom acknowledges the disappointing reality of delayed fulfillment and the life-giving satisfaction that comes with a God-given ‘yes’. One of the most important factors in anyone’s waiting is the ability to deal with disappointment. The first step is being honest about our disappointment, the second step is believing His heart is for us no matter what His answer to our request. I am definitely disappointed that I am not pregnant but at the same time I feel a deep peace because I know He loves me and knows what’s best for me and my family.
Each and every step on this journey is teaching me more and more how to let go of my planning. I may never understand why He chooses the timing He chooses but I have to trust Him. I’m probably repeating myself from my many posts about trying to conceive and the disappointments that have come this year. But I feel like the peace came so much quicker this time and I hope that means I’m finally getting it.
As we wait for Him to say ‘yes’ to the longings deep within our heart we must take it one day at a time. I am one to look months, even years into the future to script life out and without fail I’m forced to erase those scripts and start over again and again. If only I would learn not to write ahead in the first place. But like I said, I think I’m finally getting it.
It’s a ‘no’ for me this month so back to the altar I go. As I continue to lay my request before the Lord I am compelled to lift up the requests of others as well. It’s easy to become very self-involved when petitioning the Lord for something. How refreshing to turn our focus towards others along the way. Would you help me stay balanced in my prayer life by sharing how I can be praying for you and your needs? Please post a comment with your requests. You can be as specific or as vague as you are comfortable with. I would be honored to join you in prayer.
Thank you so much for sharing Jordan. I will be praying for provision for you and your husband.We really appreciate your support of the blog. And Dr. Rupe. She is pretty great!
Our church is doing a series right now called "The Will of God" and it sounds like a perfect follow up to this blog. Trying to figure out why you had that miscarriage, why your loved one got cancer, etc. http://www.bridgesh.com And for my prayers – my husband and I are both self employed and his work load is decreasing which means our funds are decreasing! We are praying for God's Will (and learning on Sunday's this month what that really means!) either by bringing in more business or bringing a part or full time job for him to start instead. Thanks! I love reading the blog and even used it as a 'pro' in recommending Dr. Rupe as a friend's OB!