Family Story: How to Write Your Values Statement

So we have explored what your values look like according to snapshots of your lifestyle and we have begun the process of developing our family values. Now it’s time to prioritize and solidify what we have found and actually write out our family values.

Values come from our experiences, culture, and faith. Our initial set of values are taught to us by our parents. As we approach adulthood, we re-evaluate these values and solidify our own personal ones. Then marriage challenges 2 people to collaborate their individual set of values. This often creates a large common ground of values, but also leaves space to ‘agree to disagree’. No two people agree on every single thing. But when children enter the picture, the stakes become higher. A child is a blank slate. We are often too bombarded with the logistics of child-rearing that we neglect to intentionally look at our family values. We assume that it is unchanged from our marriage values. However, teaching values and modeling them are very different from just believing them. A family values statement will provide a framework for not only the parents, but also the kids.

Here is an example of family values according to various aspects of family life:

Social – not hurting others, being respectful, belonging, acceptance, kindness
Moral – being patient, taking responsibility, not giving up, practice manners, gratitude
Faith – love God, show compassion, serve the church, assist the needy, pray together, forgiveness, worship
Fun – play together, make memories, traditions, laugh
Money – steward finances well, give generously
Community – live life with others, be willing to be known and be intentional about getting to know others, communication, authenticity, diversity, lead
Education – love learning, explore opportunities, curiosity, ask questions
Work – work together, do our best

This list is in no way an exhaustive list, but it provides some examples of values that you may consider including. Here are a few more questions for you to answer to continue the process…

How do we as a family want to live our life?
What brings joy to our family as a whole?
What does Jesus tell us about what we should value?

Spend some time studying the scriptures about what the Bible says about family values. This is a great time to take the snapshots of our current values and lay it over a Biblical foundation to see how they align. For example, if our finances don’t seem to reflect much tithe and offering, yet as we look at the scriptures we discover that this is a value that we would like our family to hold, then we would want to incorporate this into our family values.

Scriptures to read together to provide a framework for your family values:

John 14:21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.

Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Deuteronomy 5:16 Honor your father and your mother, as the your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Matthew 28:18 Then Jesus came to them and said, All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.

Proverbs 1:8 Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.

John 13:14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.

Romans 8:29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son,that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

Ephesians 6:1-2 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother – which is the first commandment with a promise.

1 Corinthians 10:31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

Proverbs 15:27 The greedy bring ruin to their households, but the one who hates bribes will live.

Acts 20:24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Joshua 24:15 But if serving the seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household,we will serve the Lord.

Luke 6:31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Luke 6:35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High,because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

Romans 12:9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

1 John 3:16-18 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

Matthew 22:37-39 Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.

Acts 3:19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.

Matthew 28:19-20 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.

This also isn’t an exhaustive list. Open up your Bible and look at the scriptures that you have highlighted. What are your ‘go to’ scriptures? These are good indicators of values that are important to you.

Now write your values statement.

Take your lists of values – lifestyle list, developing list, and biblical list, and see what emerges. Highlight what sticks out to you. Try to identify about 10 that you see as most important. Then put them together. This is where we can get creative. Put them on a poster, or design them into a print, write them out and further explain each one and what it really means…do something that acts as a reminder, a frame of reference and put it somewhere that the family sees on a consistent basis.

Download your Family Values Worksheet here.

How does creating a family values statement challenge you? What was the most difficult part of identifying your values? How will you display or refer to your values statement?