My husband’s grandfather recently passed away. When he returned home from the funeral out of state, he reminisced about Thanksgiving and Christmas with his Pop-Pop, playing Capture the Flag in the woods behind his house with his cousins. He told stories of fishing and camping and colorful language on the lake by the cabin in Maine that he helped his grandfather build. He spent every holiday and many birthdays of his childhood with this man I didn’t get the chance to know very well. But he didn’t mention one gift his grandfather had given him. He couldn’t even think of one when I asked him to try.
It got me thinking about the people we love and the gifts they give. I lost my own grandfather more than 10 years ago. I remember the tadpoles he gave me off his pool cover. We would sit at the table in his coffee-scented kitchen while he read the paper, light streaming in over his shoulder, “So what do you think?” he’d say.
“About what?” I’d reply.
“About anything,” he’d shoot back. It was one of his favorite jokes and conversation starters. He pulled eight grandchildren around his yard on a tractor every year, and then he taught us to drive it. My September birthday parties often took place around his pool or camping in his yard. We got to live only 30 minutes away from him and my grandmother for most of my life. We saw them every birthday and holiday, and I know they gave me beautiful clothing my grandmother had picked out, but I can’t remember a single piece.
Even when I think of my parents – excellent, thoughtful gift-givers who have delighted me often with their offerings – I cannot recall a specific one. But my mom and dad gave me love, affection and certainly more affirmation than I deserved. They gave me space to become, to dream, to try, to fail and to hope.
People have started asking what our kids want for Christmas. In our house, the first six weeks of winter is also birthday season – the one time per year that my children receive gifts – so our kids can pull in quite a haul. Yesterday I spent hours cleaning out their ample playroom. The excess disgusted me; I even found a fun, educational toy an out-of-town relative had sent more than a year ago that had never even made it out of its box.
Our kids are fortunate; they have more than enough. But their grandparents occupy three separate states, none of them our own. I know our parents miss them and want to stay relevant, and one way to do this is by giving gifts. Gifts aren’t the problem – I love giving gifts. I want to receive them graciously; I don’t want to quash generosity, but I also don’t want it to undermine the life lessons we are attempting to teach our children, especially at Christmas. Our children seem hardwired to think that “more” is always better – they are surrounded by this message in our culture – and we are working hard to combat that.
So when a well-meaning family member who sends boxes of gifts for every holiday, major and minor, recently sighed “Well, what am I supposed to send?” I understood her dilemma. She wants the kids to know she’s thinking of them, but she also wants me to know she hears me when I say, “Our kids don’t need more stuff.”
I’ve thought long and hard about gifts my children might remember. Here’s a few of the meaningful ideas I’ve been brainstorming:
Heirlooms
I was able to dig up a book my parents had saved – A Light in the Attic, by Shel Silverstein – to present to my daughter 25 years after it had been presented to me. What a joy it was to write a new inscription next to the original, and I cherish watching her find laughter and wonder in its pages.
Shared Interests
My dad and my daughters love to tell each other jokes. A joke book was a particularly thoughtful gift, because it came with the knowledge that it would spur countless phone calls and laughs between them.
Conversation
My eldest daughter is a third-generation bookworm. This year I’m excited for her and my mom to give each other the same book, so they can read it together and call each other to discuss it. I am hopeful this will continue for years and can imagine their private “book club” being one of the memories my daughter will always cherish.
Time Together
We’ve often encouraged the gift of a family membership to a local attraction – a zoo, children’s museum, aquarium, botanical garden, or state park. We’ve found these to be an economical way to stay active and have fun, and they also provide destinations to share with out-of-town visitors. A membership to the aquarium from grandma is also a promise of time there together to look forward to.
Experience
Maybe your family all lives nearby. In this case, experience gifts are even easier to execute. Consider encouraging family to plan a day together with each child, focusing on that child’s interest or on a personal interest they want to share and help cultivate.
Handmade Gifts
I’m not inherently crafty, but each year I give my children something homemade. I’ve made them no-sew fleece blankets in their favorite colors, hand-painted a set of wooden princesses, and last year made them custom doctor kits with real medical tools. When I hear them describe their gifts {“Mommy made it herself!”}, and see the preference these gifts seem to receive over others I’ve given, I know they are worth the extra time and effort.
Of course I can’t control the gifts others give my children, and I don’t want to curb their enthusiasm or generosity. We can teach our children to graciously accept whatever they are given by modeling that behavior ourselves.
How do you give meaningful gifts to your children and encourage others to do the same? What would you add to this list?
BLOOMTOWN FAITH – our family devotion Podcast is here! Join us December 1-24 for 5 minute, audio Advent devotionals you can listen to on the go!
Looking for SIMPLE ways to enjoy the season with family traditions that won’t bring overwhelm?
- Lead your family through a Bible ADVENTure from Genesis to Jesus’ birth with this simple Advent Bible Reading Plan.
- Follow hashtag #gatherforadvent on Facebook and/or Instagram where I’ll post the daily reading and a conversation question so you can continue your journey – anytime, anywhere!
- Listen to BLOOMTOWN, our brand new Podcast with a corresponding, 5 minute audio devotion you can listen to on the go!
- Grab our adorable Advent Story Cards, created in partnership with Color + Kindness, to give your kids a meaningful, hands on experience as you countdown to Christmas.
Advent Story Cards and the Bloomtown Podcast follow our #5andthrive Family Bible Study method.
I love these ideas, especially the memberships. I try not to give plastic. My grandkids will home school, any type of school supplies, puzzles, etc are appreciated.
I just had another home school mom friend post about asking for a Staples gift card because of how expensive ink is. Everyone is different. The membership ones are exciting choices for sure.