Why You Should Seek Help for Your Marriage

July 6th, 2002. I was 21. He was 24. We had no idea. Seriously, not a clue. All we knew was the room was filled to the brim with the people we loved most, the food was good and music & dancing were even better. Babies. That’s all we were. Without a clue.

This post probably goes against all rules of writing. You won’t finish reading this and think – wow, that Chambers family has it all together. Just the opposite. You might even look with judgment at our perfect family portrait and think differently of us. Still, it’s important for me to share this part of our story with you.

Since that lovely, perfect, summer day in 2002 we’ve each come to the end of ourselves {at different times} wanting nothing more than to turn around and walk away. Life. Finances. Jobs. Family. Babies. Time. And the list goes on and on with the things that slowly begin to make the “what God has joined together …” part get real hard. Suddenly, it has nothing to do with the perfect dress and beautiful flowers. It’s life. And it’s about learning how to walk this road together.

I’m about to tell you right here for the world to see that my husband and I have gathered our scars and our arrows, and taken our wounded selves to someone who could help us put down our swords and the pain to find a way to fight for the most important gift we’ve been given on this earth – each other.

A wise friend once told me that counseling is simply living an examined life. If that’s the case, then I’m in and I don’t care what anyone thinks. I don’t want to live day to day without striving to be better – especially for my husband.

The “why” we decided to reach out to a counselor doesn’t matter. This is not about airing our differences for the world to see. This is about telling you that without a doubt marriage is hard. The whole act of doing life with another will at some point chip away at all your walls and make you a big puddle of vulnerability. That’s a scary place to be in this day and age where it’s otherwise really easy to pretend you’re something you’re not. There is no part of counseling that equates to weakness. In fact, there is a strength in being real about not having all of our mess together. Counseling opens up a space for us to ask hard questions and be honest & intentional. Often, I would go in ready to fight about something only to leave realizing I have a lot of work to do in my own heart.

My guess is most any married person reading this KNOWS and has experienced their own deep waters. You see, God is in the business of refining us. My husband married a dreamer & writer who loves to make the small things a big deal and I married a realist who thrives on always having a plan. God knew. On that day almost 12 years ago when we were all smiles, He knew it had nothing to do with the music or my dress. He has always been in business of redeeming. There’s not a page He can’t turn and nothing He can’t use for His own glory. Our only job is to be willing to let Him do the work.

And now, I kinda do hope you see our family photos on Facebook and think of us a little differently. There is nothing perfect about us except the One who is holding us together.

How has God refined you through your marriage? Have you sought guidance to help you navigate the deep waters of relationship?

{Photo Credit}