I’ve known Amy Grant for most of my life. As a little girl I remember being scared at night as I was trying to fall asleep, and I would just press repeat on her song “Angels.” I knew most of her songs by heart and still do to this day. You may or may not be familiar with her music, but I guarantee if you had a chance to sit down with Amy over coffee you would find that she is one of the most authentic and most loving persons you’ve ever met. She has a gift of connecting with people both musically and personally. We are honored to have her join Grace for Moms. Her most recent album released this year is called “How Mercy Looks from Here”. —Kristy
When Kristy asked me to write down helpful insights for mothers, all I could think of were the sleep-deprived years: 1987-1995. They are a blur to me, even now.
I had three young children and was at the height of a busy recording career, which was good news and bad news.
Success meant more work, at home and on the road.
Even though I had help, I still felt overwhelmed much of the time.
I remember a phone call that I made to my older sister Kathy, one day when Matt, Millie and Sarah were young. I was probably crying about all of the things I was not doing “right”. With care and kindness in her voice, she asked me, “Did your children sleep last night? Do they have on enough clothes to keep them warm today? Have they been fed?” I think I managed to whimper “yes”; to which she said, “Then everything’s OK. They’ve got a place to sleep, something in their tummy. They are dressed. Now, tell them you love them. You’re good and they are golden.”
No two lives are the same.
No two lives look the same.
Learning to shut down that crazy, pointless impulse to compare, compete and measure, {WHAT IS THAT THING ANYWAY?} is a great step toward energy conservation and will save you a lot of heartache.
One of the eye opening processes of being a mom, of being a wife, of being a woman is discovering and valuing what uniquely matters to you.
Because of your unique wiring, some things will matter to you that won’t matter to anybody else. Other things will matter to your friends that really have no bearing on your happiness at all.
For instance, I discovered that I did not care if my children were fashionably dressed, or for that matter, if I was either. I didn’t expect them to stay clean because kids are messy. I realized that I didn’t have the time or energy to be connected to the whole world via the internet. {I know, it’s ironic that I am doing this blog.}
Early on, I also discovered that piddling was very important to me, and I wanted my children to enjoy it too. What is piddling you ask? Piddling, or puttering, is what I refer to as “the passage of unconstructed time“. By the way, this does not happen in front of a TV or computer screen of any kind. Webster defines “puttering” as “moving or acting aimlessly, working at random”.
It turns out that piddling is essential to creativity.
There were times that I had to take deep breaths…when my friends’ children were in the T-ball playoffs, or on travel soccer teams, in summer theater productions, and my children were…piddling.
Then I would realize, oh yeah, they’ve got my genes. They need space to piddle. They need to be creative.
Piddling matters to them too.
Life gives us all ample opportunities to figure out how we fit in the big mosaic. We all will answer the questions:
- What are my strengths?
- What am I passionate about?
- What do I enjoy doing?
We tend to worry and stress out trying to help our children discover their place. Trust me, life will give your children those opportunities as well.
One memory of the sleep-deprived years that has had the longest and deepest impact on my life happened one morning, as I was pouring a cup of coffee, weary from all-night overseas interviews. I admitted to my mother-in-law, Mary, that I was so overwhelmed with life and that I was hardly opening my Bible. Most days my prayers were hurried, if they existed at all.
She looked at me and said, “Amy, I pray a simple prayer every morning. I think if you can pray this prayer, it will be enough:”
This was the prayer she prayed:
Lord, lead me today to those I need, and to those that need me.
And let something I do have eternal significance.
That prayer has made all the difference.
This is the first time I have heard of anyone piddling.Thank you for sharing.I have piddled my whole life,and now my 19 year old is doing it.Amy,your music and you are annointed.We have and are still learning that t.v and game units are very harmful to kids to an excess.I thought piddling especially as an adult was being lazy.I was wrong.
Amy is indeed “authentic and loving”, Kristy. I agree wholeheartedly! As your “Aunt Carole,” I would have to say you have both of those qualities as well. You are both incredible women and I appreciate your contributions to this hurting but lovely world.
Such wise words. We see more clearly when we are looking back and realize we did learn from the experiences. I can relate to the ‘piddling’ and having children not spend time in front of a screen- it stifles their creativity so much.
Thank you. Just this morning, while feeding my kids their requested foods that ended up looking like a pasta smorgasbord, I thought about how I really don’t measure up to the moms who are all about healthy eating and organic choices. I was kind of proud that my two-year-old knew he needed a can opener for the Spaghettio’s! My life isn’t ideal, but neither is anyone else’s. They have a home, full bellies, clothes, and love!
Amen to that, Amy!
Enjoyed reading this. Even though our children are in their 20’s, I feel guilt for spending enough time PLAYING with them…. even though I was ( for the most part) a stay-at-home mom. I felt compelled to be working (cleaning, fixing, painting, doing the yard work, cooking, managing our household’s needs and family’s needs) as my husband worked long hours, and traveled a lot. I gave all I could. I did play with my children, but it always involved being busy by being a “world adventurer’s” in our back yard and neighborhood. We would pack up the red wagon and got for a pic-nic down by the river, build a “tent” in the yard out of a card table and sheet draped over it, and have lunch. I encouraged them to discover the world around them. When they became discouraged, I would tell them to dig a little deeper, really concentrate, and they would be able to resolve whatever they were struggling with. I would kiss their scrapes and bruises from falls.
As our sons grew up both sons continued to be world adventurers. Our eldest served in the United States Marine Corps as an Infantry Rifleman. One terrible day, I received a call from my grown son. He was in near tears, as his best friend had died in his arms after stepping on an IED. He said he did not think he could go on, his only brother in Christ had been taken from him and he could not face the rest of the deployment without his best friend. Something inside told me to give him the strength he needed by reminding him that he DID have the strength, and he had to pull up those boot straps and “suck it up” to be a good leader for the rest of the men under his authority. After that phone call, I cried. and cried. I cried for the loss of Thomas, for the loss of one of my best friends’s eldest son, for not being there to kiss his broken heart and embrace him.
This year for Mother’s Day, our eldest son wrote me a letter thanking me for the wonderful memories of being a world adventurer in our own back yard, and how I would kiss their scrapes and wipe their tears away. He thanked me for the strength that I gave him to carry on with that phone call when I told him he COULD carry on. He said with the words I shared with him that terrible day were like kisses on a wound, a big bandage on his broken heart.
All we can do as mothers is ask God for Grace to get through the day, wisdom to help or serve those in need, and work diligently with each task we are given.
Thank you, Amy for reminding me that I need to ask God to lead me each day to those that need me, and to those that I need, and let something I do have eternal significance.”
Sometimes it’s the looking back stories that inspire those of us presently still in the midst of “backyard adventuring”. Thanks for sharing yours.
Great advice and encouragement, Amy. I relate to your piddling and puttering need, and encouraging it in your children by giving them room to do so. That’s a huge blessing that keeps on giving at each season of life for moms and their children.
Thanks for this, Amy. I love how emphasized that we are all unique… as moms, as humans. That each of us will need different ways of life to fulfill those needs God built into us.
I have a few friends that are incredibly outgoing. They need a very active social life. When they feel stressed or overwhelmed at home, they need to get out with “the girls” and party. I tried for a while to do the same. I thought that was what I supposed to do. I thought friends were supposed to make me feel refreshed and refilled. But it didn’t, and I thought there was something wrong with me.
But now I know that I NEED quiet, alone time. I’m not depressed. I just need that solace that comes when you can hear the clock ticking on the wall. I need to hear the conversations in my head to work out life’s complexities.
And I had to reach a point where I was ok with that. Where I didn’t feel guilty for not hanging out with friends on a constant basis. I had to be ok with the fact that friends means draining my stores, not filling them. It’s just me. And it’s ok.
Thanks for that reminder to give ourselves grace to just be who we are. To ask God to lead us to those we need, to those who need us, and to do something that matters in eternity.
Brenners,
I love what Amy said as well, and agree. And Brenners, I am more like you – where lots of socializing energizes some and fills them, too much of it drains me. So I try to still ask God to help me make sure I am doing enough of it so that I am still honoring Him with my time and loving others with it, but comparing to others does not work. God knows how He made each of us. So He understands, even when others who want to compare do not understand. He did not make us cookie-cutter! Thanks for your thoughts!
“One of the eye opening processes of being a mom, of being a wife, of being a woman is discovering and valuing what uniquely matters to you.” – This! This is so important and it’s the heart of this community. Thank you Amy for echoing our hearts through your words. Thank you for being with us today. We are all so honored to have you!