As I looked at my screen to check which patient was next, seeing her name made me smile.
The patient was a delight. I had delivered her first baby two years ago, an adorable baby girl with curly blond hair and rolls on her thighs. The patient pushed like a champ, but despite her efforts, her 10 pound bundle of joy entered this world through a low transverse abdominal incision.
She was newly pregnant with baby number #2.
A perfect flutter of a heart beat was seen on the ultrasound, and all was good.
“Doc, do you think I should try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) or have a planned c-section this time?” she inquired, as we finished up with the usual questions.
I carefully reviewed the risks and benefits of each, encouraging her to weigh which option would be best for her.
As I finished, I noticed she was pursing her lips in anticipation of a question that she could barely contain.
“But Doc,” she asked smugly, like a jeopardy contestant who knew they had the right answer, “What would you do if it were YOU?”
The favorite question. I smiled and leaned back on my rolly stool.
“Nope.” I said as I shook my head back and forth with a smile, “I don’t answer that one.”
Somewhere there has to be a Readers Digest Article, ‘Top Ten Questions to Ask Your Doctor’ and this is probably #1, based on the number of times that I have heard it.
Initially, when I started practicing and my newly board certified brain was bursting with memorized textbook knowledge and randomized controlled trials, I would fall for this trick. I would rattle off my personal opinion on such matters. Because obviously, I knew best.
It didn’t take me long in practice to realize that every women is unique. I was biasing these women with my personal opinion on issues that really, I had no business discussing.
I am not saying I don’t give advice. Of course I do, I am a doctor. I give my best medical recommendation in all situations. However, I do not give patients my honest, personal opinion of what I would do in their specific situation, because I am not them. And I am not in their situation.
In obstetrics there are multiple situations when women really need to decide for themselves:
VBAC vs. C-section
Natural vs. epidural
Circumcision vs. no circumcision
These are just a few of the very personal decisions that women need to make for themselves. Options that should NOT be decided by their moms, NOT by their friends and definitely NOT by me.
How do you feel the ‘suggestions’ of others effected your pregnancy decisions?
I tried to bring a baby into our home for 10.5 years. Lots of treatments, a failed adoption..finally turned to IVF and miraculously got pregnant first time. Perfect pregnancy, though monitored because my son only had one kidney, and life was great. I am itty bitty and people thought I’d go no later than 32 weeks.
40w5d, finally, doctors took pity.
All along, I’d wanted a c-section. My mother lost a baby at 39 weeks to cord prolapse and I am tiny and feared a birth injury. I just felt in my gut that I needed one.
Everyone and their uncle told me that natural was best. The way God made it to be…better for me and the baby…my OBs (amazing) allowed me to decide, but honestly, it was the, “Well, you can decide, but if you want to do what’s best for you and the baby, you know we think it’s vaginal.”
So…I decided to try. They induced at 40w5d. 24 hours of labor and nada. 4 cm dilated, 50% effaced. A c section was on it’s way…but right before, my OB broke my water in a last ditch effort.
IMMEDIATELY, I bled. Profusely.
Six minutes later, he was born. Without a heartbeat. Revived, but 10 hours later, dead because he’d lost too much blood and oxygen.
I never held him. Never saw his face full on in person. Med-flighted to Georgetown.
Vasa previa.
In hindsight, they say, “You kept pushing and pushing for a section. We just thought you didn’t want to tear anything up down there. Maybe you knew something none of us knew.”
Maybe.
It would have saved his life. He’d be living right now.
So, honestly…I don’t know how I feel about ‘suggestions’ bc even though 99.9% of the time they are in the best interest, I think if a mother has a gut, gut, gut feeling (even if we had NO IDEA about the vasa previa, regardless of the color doppler screening and I wanted a section for other reasons), a doctor should listen to it and go with it.
It’s just so hard. Period.
Oh Lori. There are no words…except I am so sorry. Thank you for bravely sharing your story here. I am praying right now for strength for you and your husband to continue this journey. We are so honored to have you stop by and share with us. Blessings…Jessica
I don’t think I really did let anyone else’s opinions sway me much during pregnancy. Well, my husband a bit, but it was his baby too. I just got the final say since I was the one carrying it. 😉
I know I definitely had some family members who disagreed very strongly with some of my choices, but I guess I was pretty good at ignoring them. Such as, I was in labor a long time with my first baby, and my father-in-law was leaving anguished voice mails on my husband’s phone: “just have a c-section already!!!” We did eventually have a c-section, but it was done when I decided on it (all with my dr’s approval.)
I love that Dr. Rupe doesn’t tell patients what to do. She is so supportive of sharing her medical expertise to empower women to decide what’s best for them. One of the many reasons I love her.
Seeing the image on this post made me tear up a little. . .remembering our humble beginnings. . . : )
Awwww I love that graphic too!