Oh, working momma … I see you! I know how early 5:00 am comes. Those few minutes in a quiet house holding your cup of coffee seem so serene. You crave that time to plan the day and do your best to look presentable. The few hours it takes to get everyone out of the house seems so daunting. You do your best not to fight with your little ones over the outfits they need to wear for the day because you don’t want to spend the precious moments you have in the morning fussing or fighting. Getting everyone in the car feels like the hardest part of your workday. Socks & shoes – check. Wait – did we go to the bathroom? Did we brush teeth? Did I brush MY teeth? Book bags – yes. Count the kids (I really do this) – 1,2 – check. Seat belts, done. Snacks for the drive/traffic, go back for it! Push in that CD of Disney songs. Ok, ready set go. Feels like you just put in your 8 hours for the day, right?
I pass you each day coming in and out of the daycare where we both drop off our little ones. I know, too well, how walking out alone isn’t nearly as fun as walking in holding on to those little hands. I know the empty feeling that comes up every now and then. The way you question yourself – Is this wrong? Could I do this differently? I know how you sneak out of the office on time hoping no one notices that you put in your exact 8 hours and not a minute more. The best part of the day is picking them up. You close your eyes when they run up and hug because you can tell they have missed you, too. That feeling of being missed – a double edged sword. I soak up the moments on the car ride home … using that time to sing songs and ask questions about the day. Sometimes that seems like your time to pour into their precious hearts and grab their attention. Then there’s that guilt popping up as you pull into the driveway … chicken nuggets or hot dogs again tonight because it’s too close to bath time to cook a whole meal. Seems like there isn’t enough time to fit it all in. Then bath time and snuggles and you stay up and answer emails so you can stay on top of it all. I get it! I see you, momma. You aren’t alone. This is my life. And when my life’s journey leads me to connect with another woman walking a path similar to mine, I just want to hit the pause button and sit down and have a cup of a coffee. The questions I would ask her … Am I doing this wrong? What important things am I missing? Is it wrong to wish I had more time to read a book, take a bath? And why do I feel guilty for taking a night out with the girls?
I have heard and read so many things since becoming a (working) momma that say – You Can Have It All.
Friends, it is my firm belief, after 4 years of this gig, that you just can’t. You can have what you choose to have when you have it. The choice is easy for some and hard for others. No matter which way you go you will have guilt. I always joke and say that I work so I can go to the bathroom alone. There is some truth to that. And no doubt there are some selfish motives in my heart for working. I want us to have more things … I want so much to provide security for my boys. I am not convinced I can teach them the things they are getting in the stellar school they attend. And when I encounter my stay-at-home momma friends, there are lots of times I believe their job is way harder than mine and I am just not sure I could do it.
Truth is, they are both hard. And we have all made our choices. My challenge to you (and myself) is not to go about surviving these years but to LIVE in these moments! Choose to be in the moment you are in … when you are at your desk … rock it! Answer those emails and check your lists off (you know you have them, it’s the only way we momma’s survive) and take 5 minutes to build relationships with the people you work with. They may be the biggest chunk of your friend base in some seasons of life. Then at night, when the day is done … run, don’t walk to get those babies of yours. Put your phone down – focus on them. Let them catch you watching them play out of the corner of your eye. Talk to them about their day, their friends. When they are able, let them know that the choices we make as parents aren’t easy; and we will make mistakes, but you will always put them first. Make sure your babies know they are worth more than any job you could ever have. Don’t let them see you chasing it all. Let them see you living every minute in the moment and let them feel you soaking them up.
And momma, give yourself some grace … and pass it on to a friend you come in contact with who is on the same journey; encourage the heck out of her. Tell her that you get the lack of sleep and you know the guilt that creeps in on the rough days. Don’t check off the days and wish them away in this season of life with your itty bitty ones. Capture it with pictures (on that iPhone) or in your mind. Write about it at night when they go to bed. And on the weekends, get up early to soak up those quiet moments when you don’t have to go anywhere. Thank God for carrying you through another week. Ask Him to help you forgive yourself for the mistakes you make along the way and to help you soak it all up – today!
Use whatever moments you have to write on their little hearts and no matter what your “other” job is – they are the legacy you leave behind.
Let’s do a working mama roll call. How many working moms do we have in this community? What is the biggest challenge you face and how can we encourage you today?
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing that! I came to this site for the first time today to read a post a friend shared through Facebook and saw this on the side. I had to read it!
Your words came just when I needed then! Thank you God for using tools like the internet to find us where we are!
This can be a excellent web site post, im pleased I discovered it. Ill be back down the monitor to look at various other blogposts in which
Oh Rachel! Yes, girl, I do understand. I sometimes wonder if I am on some strange planet all alone . The chaos of my life can easily feel overwhelming. I have come to a place of calling out the crazy in my day and finding the humor in it (when I am able). It sure does help to connect with other working momma’s, too! Congrats on your new little one coming soon!
Thank you Jess! I didn’t know how much I needed to hear your words until I started reading. God is so good to bring me to your post today. Sometimes, we just need a little extra encouragement and perspective. That is what your post taught me today. To give grace to myself, soak up my kiddo (soon to be kiddos) and that I’m not alone in the working mama role. A mere “thank you” seems to fall short, but I have a hunch you understand me. Thank you for your words and your honesty! Both have been refreshing to my soul!
Have a wonderful day!
Rachel 🙂
Found this via a facebook post from a friend today, and I must say how beautifully written and true this is. And most importantly, it makes me feel good to know I am not alone. How strange it is, that we are from all walks of life, all over the world, and I don’t know you at all, but yet we can all relate, and all shake our heads ‘yes’ as we read this. Motherhood is a beautiful thing.
So glad you liked it and that it resonated with you. Yes, it is SO nice to know that there are other mommas going through the same things. Thanks for reading!
Finally found the time to read this much needed topic. Thanks for writing it. So true, so true, so TRUE! Oh and the minute to minute clock watching is so painful. I have three; 9, 6 and 2….and I miss them and have all the guilt when I come home so drained that I do not give them my all M-F as I would like. I am a teacher, and while it is a blessing to teach and help the children who need me in more ways than an educator….it is sometimes hard to swallow that M-F I am giving more to other children than I am to my own. By God’s grace I take it week by week …and definitley admit to counting down to each break to be home with my own babies. Thanks again for all that truth and reminders that I am not alone in those feelings. Many blessings!
You might not realize the blessing you are giving to other momma’s whose kiddos you love on and teach M-F. I believe that teachers should be paid in gold! You are leaving a mark on little hearts and lives every day. I can’t imagine a higher calling, but still I know those guilt feelings and the clock watching all too well. I feel guilty for going out to lunch because I am worried my boys aren’t getting put down for naps well. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to read this!
Thank you. That was heartwarming. 🙂 I needed to hear that. This is a great connection and we are all blessed to find the time to read your words that give us strength…so thank you again for that. It is often difficult to connect to those who have the same values and morals and I appreciate the bond I feel here.
Wow Jess being your aunt and reading this I am so impressed you are a amazing mother I have seen how the boys love you they are missing nothing. This Christmas when we spent the holidays together I watch the boys closely and they love you and Arron so much. I remember when you were a baby I looked t you and I wander what would your life be. What would your family be like . I prayed everyday for you and yes God answer my pray. You have a husband who loves you and the boys s love their dad. And one evening Kellen came running to him and he ran to his dad and kiss his legs and said da da that so touch my heart. Honey I am so proud of you. You are a amazing mother. And a wonderful wife and mother and of course a amazing niece. I love you so so much and thanks for loving me
Great post. Today was my day off…. so I only worked half a day. I wish I had a clone, so I could make every sweet patient’s delivery AND tuck my kids in with kisses each night. Until then, I pray for the His grace and guidance.
Dr. Rupe — you were willing to miss the U2 show to deliver a special baby, if I remember that story correctly 🙂 I hear you’re the very best because you make each and every momma feel special. Makes a big difference! My doc (stafford) was that way for me too! Morning kisses can always make up for night ones! Thanks for taking time to read!
I just found this site through a link on my friend’s facebook page. And this is what I posted after I read it: “This woman just reached into my soul and pulled out the words of my heart.” I have had so many of these thoughts myself. Thank you for the encouragement of grace, that’s the thought that is easiest to forget.
Jules, thanks for reading. It’s always nice to not feel alone. Love this community of women for that very reason!
Christina, thank you for your sweet words. There is no resolution in my mind. I fight the questions all the time — just asking God to redeem whatever misteps we may make. And then my resolve is to soak up every last second I get to be with my boys. Just taking the chance to be intentional in the moments we are together … it might look like holding their hand while we watch their favorite show, dancing in the kitchen on the rare nights I get to cook, or making sure to do their favorite activity when I could easily be cleaning out my inbox. I loved what you said about getting to work and feeling like the hardest part of your day was behind you. Girl — that’s SO ME! 🙂 Being present and giving grace where it’s needed — love how you said that. Thanks for reading. Glad you at least get to work from home these days. Thank you for reading this!
Thank you for this post, for your honesty, and for leaving it unresolved. I worked full-time for the first 4 1/2 years of motherhood, came home, and now I’m working again, from home. I have lived the first part of this post so. many. days. I remember thinking once I finally got the office, that the hardest part of my day was already behind me! These reminders that there isn’t a right way to do it, to aim to be fully present wherever we are, and to give ourselves and each other ample grace is SO important.
Oh, Kel you are one amazing momma to sweet Isla! Thanks for reading it! 🙂
AMEN amen and amen 🙂 I feel all of these things all at once it seems on most days. Thank you for this!