Me holding Baby Eia, one of my favorite surprise deliveries
“When do we get to find out what we’re having?” is often the first questions my new pregnant patients ask. With the frequency and accuracy of ultrasound, most couples are finding out their baby’s gender as soon as possible. This is followed by the ever complex ways to announce the news. Pintrest is full of reveal party ideas. What’s better than a box of pink balloons opened to thematic music with your facial expression captured by a professional photographer? Nine months of anticipation, followed by the doctor placing a pink crying baby in your arms and announcing to everyone’s surprise, “It’s a girl!’ Or at least I think so.
Rarely is there a medical indication to know the gender of the baby, but my personal opinion is that waiting until delivery is still the best way to go. I will admit selfish motives on this one (announcing the gender at birth is one the favorite parts of my job), but hear me out on why you should buck the trend and wait until delivery for the big announcement.
5. It’s All Natural
A lot of my patients choose natural childbirth and I am extremely supportive of this. Most are very health conscious, avoid medication if they can, and desire their pregnancy to go as naturally as possible. Well, except for finding out the gender as soon as is humanly possible in order to make pink or blue cupcakes to cut into. But what is more natural than finding out as nature intended: at delivery?
4. It’s More Fun
It’s more fun to wait until delivery. I promise. Having the entire 9 months to build up anticipation, while listening to everyone’s guesses and wagers is awesome. Hearing the news in the delivery room is so much more exciting then the anti-climatic ultrasound appointment.
3. It Drives Everyone Crazy
“What do mean you are not finding out? You’re a doctor, you OWN an ultrasound machine, you could look at any moment!” These were the comments I got during my pregnancy (where we didn’t find out). For some reason it really annoyed people that we were keeping it a surprise, which I found exponentially amusing.
2. There’s No Doubt
As soon as a couple finds out the gender on ultrasound, the next question is, “How accurate are these things?” Truthfully ultrasounds are extremely accurate, but never 100%. There can always be an element of doubt. You will always have someone tell you a story of their cousin’s, sister’s best friend from college who painted her nursery bright pink only to have the ultrasound be wrong.
Full disclosure: I have had a few dads over the years who wanted to announce the gender at birth, and being unfamiliar with the swollen appearance of newborn genitalia, got it wrong. So, technically it can initially be wrong at delivery as well.
1. You Get Better Presents
I am a huge proponent for not finding out the gender with your first baby for one very practical reason: you get better presents. What do you NEED when you have a baby? You need gear: highchairs, bedding, bouncy seats, boppies, etc. It makes the most sense to have these essentials gender neutral, so you can use them for your next baby. What happens when people know you are have a girl? They buy you cute dresses and bows. Makes for a fun and adorable baby shower, but you won’t use half of those outfits. If you don’t find out the gender, people tend to buy you more practical gifts at your shower AND then when the baby is born they get you additional presents that are gender specific.
I know I will never convince the majority of you to wait. Most of you are planners or simply can’t resist the temptation to discover if your little one will be a Jack or a Jill. Jessica is likely shaking her head as she edits this, already formulating her own post in her head on why you SHOULD find out {I couldn’t convince her to be surprised either}. There are so few genuine surprises in life, I’m of the opinion that finding out the magical news of boy versus girl should be teased out as long as possible.
Any other fans out there of keeping your baby’s gender a surprise?
A couple others I would add to my own lists are 1) testing a mother’s intuition and 2) testing all the old wives’ tales! They are all for fun! I guess you could squeeze these into your #4 😉 We set up online baby games for our kids. We don’t live near family or friends so across a few states in America I have gender guesses of people that just KNOW what exactly we are having for #3!!
We are anxiously awaiting our early-June surprise for our first baby. I admit to studying ultrasounds and think I may know already, but like they say: the absence of something does not prove anything! It’s still ultimately a surprise until s/he gets here. We painted the room blue anyway as my nursery was blue as well and I’m fine 😉
I agree completely with the driving-people-nuts being amusing. It’s also fun to watch my parents jab each other and correct each other when my dad says “my grandson…” and my mom will say “you mean my granddaughter…”
Fun times!
We didn’t find out with either of our girls and it was so special! It’s the ultimate surprise!
Hey! I love this post! I’m 36 weeks today and my hubs and I are anxiously waiting to find out the gender of our little one (we affectionately call him/her Baby O). I decided to hold out because of the women who’ve gone before me, my mom and my sister, who both waited and went without any drugs too!
I completely agree with your thoughts! Thanks so much for sharing!!
I wish my obgyn had your mindset. My kids are so far apart we had no idea that at just 11weeks we should tell the dr we did NOT want to know! Immediately the “don’t paint the walls blue yet but it looks like you’re having a boy” came out of his mouth.
WE DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW! It was like opening a Christmas present before Christmas. In the dr.s defense, our son was spread legged at EVERY ultrasound & unless we never looked we were going to be clued in. At 14 weeks it was very clear we were being blessed with a boy.
I can tell you from experience hearing “it’s a boy” the first go round was much more exciting than hearing
” he has light hair “
#3 and #1- so true!! I got great pleasure out of annoying everyone who wanted to know! And we got all the practical stuff we needed at the shower plus a boatload of clothes when everyone came to meet the baby – more than we could use actually. I would also add that I loved that it let my husband have his big moment of getting to say “It’s a ___!” to everyone in the waiting room and when calling all our people. 🙂
While we waited with both of ours, we did do something unusual – I let my BFF find out the gender both times – she went to the u/s with us and I let them take her in the hall and tell her. I also told her the two names we had selected, which we were also keeping secret. Then when the baby was born, she showed up with a bunch of gender-specific clothes and personalized things – it was great! You have to have the right person for that, though – a good secret-keeper!!
We decided to wait because as adults you get so few GOOD surprises in life! Most of the time once you are an adult surprises end up being something along the line of “Uncle Leo died.” It’s like Santa is coming with the best gift EVER.
#3 is my FAVORITE reason not to find out. I love that it irritates everyone, especially when it has NOTHING to do with them. =) Closely followed by #1, as I sat at a baby shower for a group of us that were pregnant at the same time, I listened to the mom-to-be of a boy complain about all the boy stuff she was getting while I got cute neutral stuff.
I kind of wish I had waited on the 1st after reading this. I had a girl and got way too many cute girls things. S,e people even avoided my gender neutral registry to buy pink bouncers & high chairs. I returned them to get my gender neutral things but really could have used more practical things. Maybe I won’t find out next time so I won’t get clothes at my shower. Diapers please!!!
Too bad I didnt read this before I had my last and final child lol. But I’m too OCD to wait anyways I think 🙂 All very good reasons though!
Ha! Actually, your post had me thinking, “OK, if I ever get pregnant again I am totally not going to find out!!” You convinced me. Too bad I will likely never get pregnant again. :/