I would never let my child behave that way, I thought to myself as I was trying to buy groceries. The mom checking out in front of me struggled as her toddler threw a complete fit. The screaming felt like nails on a chalkboard.
Why doesn’t she just…
Fast forward a decade, I was a mom with two kids under the age of 3 with one on the way. As I was checking out at Target, my 18 month old son had lost it. Completely lost it. There was kicking, screaming, tears–it was a full on fit. I was THAT mom. I could feel the stares. I could hear the voices of disapproval. I was embarrassed and there was nothing I could do to control the situation.
My younger self judged THAT mom. My older self now had a different perspective, a more gracious and understanding one because I was THAT mom.
Before becoming a mom, I read all the books and made the best of plans, trying to figure out what to expect and how to be prepared for motherhood. Then reality set in. No one can adequately prepare you for this journey. Here is what to expect,
You can expect to get lots of advice, some appreciated and some not needed.
You can expect to be surprised, by yourself, by others, & by your children.
You can expect your plans to be constantly changing, and your to-do lists constantly growing.
You can expect to learn a lot and realize just how little you really know.
You can expect that you will need God’s grace more than ever.
We’ve all been there. Maybe it wasn’t the check out line with the screaming child, but we’ve all found ourselves in a more contradictory situation than we would have expected. We’ve all been THAT mom.
The mom running late, or the mom who forgot her kids lunch,
or the mom with the rebellious child, or the mom who loses her temper,
the mom who needs grace more than another opinion or judgemental stare.
Maybe the next time you stand behind the screaming child, you will be able to offer grace.
Or the next time you find yourself judging another mom or discussing differences of opinions, you will speak words of grace.
Most importantly though, I hope the next time you find yourself feeling inadequate, at a loss, misunderstood, or merely exhausted, you will find grace.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Our hope is to not be, yet another voice that is telling you how to be a mom. Grace for moms is a place for you to be encouraged, be challenged, and join in on the conversations, all the while knowing, “It’s Ok, you’re covered.”
What have you learned to expect as a mom? How are you struggling to find grace?
I can say as a young adult (before kids) I absolutely despised being around moms with screaming or misbehaving kids. It was all I could not to get up and take care of the kid myself. And oh boy, how I certainly learned my lesson! I now have 4 children, and I am due with 5 in July. I have been THAT mom hundreds of times over the years and I am not ashamed to say that I certainly felt shame at how I reacted before once I became that mom. The most uplifting thing in the world is to have a stranger give you a knowing smile, and possibly even try to help you distract your baby while you get your task completed. In those strangers I see the face of God. We all need grace!
Congratulations on #5 Tara. What a blessing! Whenever I am out and especially if I happen to be without my children and I see a mom having a hard time, I try to be the one that gives a knowing smile. So glad to have you a part of the community. Thanks for sharing!!
Your words speak deep and abiding truth. Just know that the “that mom” judgment continues into the teen years when your kid who has been taught better makes horrendous choices and the judgment of every mom in town swivels and aims directly at you as if you condone that behavior.
You’ll need grace as a parent forever. xoxo
Kimberly, That is so true. Thank you for the reminder that grace will be needed until the end of time. I try not to think about the future teenage years. But I suppose the grace matches the need during each season! Appreciate your insight! Blessings to you!
THANK YOU. I’ve often been THAT mom. In fact, I now avoid looking at anyone around me when I’m out in public, because I don’t want to see the judgemental stares. I don’t remember being judging of other moms before I was a mom, but I’ve gotten enough comments from others when my kids are misbehaving that I often feel like I just duck and run now before anyone can start shooting. Thank you for sharing this, for offering grace. We all need it.
Bonnie, I completely understand. It’s hard to know what is best to do because if we don’t avoid the comments, in our stressful state, we may react to strangers in ways we wish we hadn’t. I suppose the grace covers our reaction to our children AND those big mouth strangers. : ) Thank you for sharing!!
Oh how I’ve been THAT mom…the one who judges and the one probably getting judged. Motherhood has taught me so much but perhaps the loudest lesson has been that we all need a whole lot of grace! I’m do excited about this community mommies!
Oh, I love this post! A few months ago my mom and I were having lunch at the mall with my son (he was about 15 months and I was about 7 months pregnant.) Simon was running around a bit, burning off energy while we waited for our food. When it was time to come to the table to eat, he threw an all out screaming, kicking tantrum in the middle of the hall. I remember turning to my mom and saying, “Oh no, I’ve got one of ‘those’ kids!” I wanted to turn away and pretend I wasn’t “that mom”.
He is a really good kid, but he’s also a normal, healthy toddler. I try my best to tap into God’s grace and remind myself often that all moms deal with this phase of life and as quick as he’s growing up, I need to enjoy this time I have with him in all of his toddler glory!